Monday, March 18, 2019

So What Brings You to Our Country Today?

I've been watching a lot of "Nothing to Declare" on YouTube because I've recently been addicted to the Police Confession/Interrogation RealityTV" genre.  I've watched entire police confessions from high profile killers half out of voyeurism and fascination and also for my own research to understand the games and ways that real interrogations at the border and in questioning rooms work.  It seems that the tactic is to drain your energy until you confess.  Hours and hours of grilling you with the same questions asked different ways and other mind manipulation tactics.  I've been also watching "To Catch a Smuggler" which was a natural succession because it was on the related videos tab where my attention naturally migrated.  I've recently found out that I'm actually an empath, so it is quite hard for us empathic people to hide our feelings, and police and border patrol authorities look for a break in your emotions while they are questioning you.  The interrogation that is recorded at the borders of the U.S, Canada, UK, and New Zealand.  You watch individuals try to lie on camera and get caught one after the other trying to smuggle everything from currency, drugs, meat and live insects.  There have been a few escorts on these shows who come from other countries and in the end, they confess and they are refused admittance from the Canadian episodes that I've seen after officers went through one woman's phone and found her work emails.  I have been detained and refused entry into Canada for bringing a weed pipe in my car thinking that I would save money buying a pipe, so I'd just not bring the weed flowers but bring my pipe.  It is illegal to carry marijuana from state to state of any quantity even if it is legal in the state you are leaving and going to.  It's still consider smuggling of drugs!  "We are arresting you for smuggling or attempting to smuggle xyz."   I had a pipe and after thorough inspection of my entire vehicle they did find a truly forgotten about half gram of kief powder (green powder you sprinkle on your bowl) in between my seats but it wasn't enough to arrest me.  in the mean time they did rifle through my shit including my journal, and kept me on each country's border for 6 hours, as well as perform a body search on me.  And since then, entry into Canada is frightening because I really was just intending to be a tourist that day.  They stop and turn back illegal workers all the time.  They rifle through your bags to see if you have any professional equipment and if you do ask if you have a work permit.  "I'm here to meet a girl from the internet" or "Just here for vacation" is used frequently, but fails when they open the suitcase and you've got construction worker equipment or martial arts gear in your suitcase.  And then they ask if they can speak to your girl or boyfriend to verify your story.  So I'm learning how to make sure to get my ducks in a line if I am going to lie about something through this show.  Don't be caught stuttering and stammering.  I really don't know how they let me into Japan.  I sometimes think Japan is super strict but not so smart.  To get a Japanese visa it asks you to check yes or no to the question "Have you ever been associated with prostitution?" I checked NO of course.  ;)
But they clearly don't google people.  When you google my government name it shows that I am a transsexual prostitute high up on the results.  And some other sex worker art festivals which I can say I was a performer in.  I can bust an R.Kelly and easily say everything on the internet is a lie.  Because I'm definitely not a transsexual.  Whoever wrote that is not hurting me because I can identify as genderqueer even though I'm a cis woman.  I don't mind being called a dude, or being told I am masculine, but because the transsexual prostitute article is high ranked it actually helps me lie about the fact that I'm not a prostitute. :)

Some people just think they can get away with it or pass through undetected without hiding it all just mixed into their luggage, others swallow capsules, body pack it, there are seizures by mail where people have hidden it in a laptop or in false parts of suitcases or briefcases.  This show shows them all and shows them being discovered on camera.  Shows the x-rays where you can see all the capsules in the stomach in the body x-ray!  ALL OF THE GUILTY PEOPLE LIE.  They also show people with false suspiciouns who after thorough inspection turn out to be clean.  It seems pretty realistic to me.  Except, that they are probably making it seem like they catch a lot more people than they actually do.  And then they're caught.  Or these people on camera are caught.  It's effectively got me scared shitless of bringing anything at ALL or working illegally overseas anywhere.  But, I remember that that is the point of these shows.

Friday, March 1, 2019

How do I know if the hand job is from a slave or not?

My hobbyist friend is cheap when it comes to paying for sex like Robert Kraft.  Except there’s about 6.4 billion dollars separating their net worth. I actually introduced him to his first lady, Martha, an older whore who had a lot of mileage, courage and wisdom.  “First Lady, This is John.” “John, meet first lady. You’re welcome.” and years of mutual benefits ensue from continued transactions which ensue after said introduction. Except John gets tired of the same old lady, just like in their marriages.  This is how you avoid trafficked workers, referral only. But that didn’t work
Modern Day Slavery or Suspended
Submission Hold?
for my friend for long and Kraft is no different from most John’s of that caliber. Massage parlor means reasonable prices and variety. $150 is the most they are willing to pay for their orgasms.  And that’s final. Regardless of if they make billions or not. One of the things that I educate clients of cheaper sex workers is that the risk is higher. This is true for you who are working these clients and for clients venturing to see these workers. Willing to take that risk?  Okay, then. Don’t say no one told you. It can be rough out there. The majority of the risk is big stings like this. They happen all the time and are often used for political career stoking. Because street prostitution and trafficking raids on Asian massage venues are considered low hanging fruit.  You don’t like that title? Then don’t get hookers from the streets, or without screening them yourself first OR getting a worker introduction via a friend, unless you knowingly understand that you can land in jail. This goes for high risk low dollar workers the same as clients. This is a fact. It happened to me.  I was the lowest hanging fruit, shouting and screaming defiantly while walking into a trap.


Rich people can be notorious hardline cheapos, hey, that’s how they got to be rich, right?  Take notes! Doing research and paying a little more for a sex work date that is SAFE (for STDs, consensual, and sane) for what you want can actually guarantee an ETHICAL TRADE SEX WORKER.  How do you know if the sim card in your phone is not made with slave labor?  Are you willing to do the detective work to trace the dollar? The same thing is true of your vegetables, your sneakers, your computer parts everything that the United States benefits to buy in quantity.  There are gradation lines for us ethically between one economy member doing continued unequal market trade to the eventual profit and continued mutual benefit of all AND human trafficking sexual or otherwise.  And then there's Domestic Workplace Abuse. Do we want to redirect our dollars away from WalMarts and Amazons? Or is it just unethical working conditions for sex slaves that deserve your support. There are many elements of abuse and coercion that occur in unmeasured statistics the same way sexual assault, drug and sex abuse intersect undetected. People 'work’ for their partners without ever acknowledging abuse, finding all levels of abuse is like finding those directly affected by relationship violence and getting them to talk about it.  If you want to see what sexual conditioning and trafficking of underage girls looks like turn to R Kelly's case not to the Patriots arrest at a massage parlor. R.Kelly is being convicted with a felony that was designed in the 1900s to protect white girls from being abducted and here its being used by a Black Sexual Predator on Black women. This is the perfect use for white slavery laws, not to arrest consenting clients and immigrant workers


So you ready to start seeing the sex worker that gets you off as a human on a human rights level?


  1. See if she is conversant on a personal level or if she is non conversant, evasive, nervous. SIGNS OF POST TRAUMATIC STRESS DISORDER (PTSD) falling asleep while giving a massage or counting money, forgetfulness, repeating of phrases or answers for questions (disassociated or sleep deprived), frequent trips to the bathroom or "bathroom." (This could mean that they have certain problems, but not necessarily that they are trafficked)
  2. See if they have a personal mobile phone number and can you text her when you want to come in aside from calling the spa, test the number, if it is answered by another worker, then she works for an agency and may not neccesarily be in an abusive and coercive trafficking ring. Many new workers prefer to work for agents with drivers and more capital and experience to get them started and are happy to give over a huge fee to have this taken care of for them. All agencys can be charged with pimping even if it is adult sane and consensual.
  3. Do you see bruising or cuts that seem unexplainable or lied about, scars from cutting
  4. You can ask to see if he will show you her ID with the information covered, just to verify that she has access to one and it easily is furnished at no risk to her with ease. Propose to do this BEFORE you take your clothes off. Be willing to walk over non compliance.
  5. Will he do a screening meetup for $100.  This money goes towards your safety and well being, as well as your checking for management systems and amount of autonomy.  Don’t offer coffee in exchange for this meetup. $100.
  6. Can you add them on social media?
  7. Does she have her own website (if she does (not just her own ads, her own site) her rate is likely $300+/hr) but is probably 99.9% not  trafficked.


None of these things alone that I just listed together to help hobbyists who have this question, it is not an exhaustive list and its definitely my opinion only.  But i got 6 years of high risk sex work experience and I been in the slammer once. I’ve been in pretty abusive work situations but nothing I would ever call trafficking or pimping.  I was always in power to walk away from anywhere I worked. Even though I didn’t soon enough sometimes.

Monday, February 11, 2019

Karpmans Drama Triangle: Who are the Pimps and Victims?



My deconstruction of this drama does not mean that I am on the
side of R. Kelly but rather, I’m looking at reframing the drama in
a way that helps people see the roles that are so neatly being
played out in this and many of the recent #metoo situations.
 I can absolutely believe that he has taken on stereotypical
abusive Black pimp behaviors which are described in detail in the
documentary “Surviving R Kelly” which resemble documentaries
that have been done on Black pimps who also keep stables of
women using methods of financial, psychological, physical and
sexual abuse to maintain Their dominance.  These stereotypical
behaviors have been documented in pimp documentaries and
may be hard to hear without feeling like I am being racist, but I
believe that these Black men prey on the vulnerabilities of women
in their own communities specifically because they know how to
attract and attach their victims. While I worked as an escort,
I would get baiting calls from Black pimps often enough to know
that the stereotypes were based on truth, not just movies and that
many of the Black escorts I knew also did not see Black clients
and they were not being racist, they were protecting themselves
from pimps.
R Kelly uses the bait and hook of fame and a music industry
career and subsequently grooms these women with several tried
and tested tactics that he has managed to perfect over the years
of being the perpetrator of hard to detect (no obvious bruises and
none of his victims have called the police on him) violence which
are not criminal according to the
courts.  It is difficult to watch Joycelyn’s parents go on a rescuer
crusade to save their 22 year old daughter “on behalf of all the girls
that are trapped in his house” because she is an adult harming
herself even though she is in an abusive relationship. It seems to
be beyond intervention at this point and moved literally into made
for TV drama based on this Karpman's triangle. Joycelyn could be
using drugs or doing sex work with a real pimp the same, individuals
will not change unless they feel ready, willing and able to. I think
about how the word pimp is used as one of the most negative names
that you can call a person if you aren’t using it in a “good slang” way.
It seems to be much like the n word then, I suppose. I recall that
anti-sex work crusaders who are stuck in the rescuer role also become
perpetrators to consensual sex workers that they call “pimps” if they
are working collectively in activism.  Sex workers are the perpetual
victims to the anti-sex work movement as well as the oppressive laws
whose change seems nowhere in sight. They move into survivor and
teacher roles seeking to be proactive about their victimization but the
satisfaction seems to be temporary because new big bad laws are
passed constantly, more sex workers are killed without notice and/or
a major advertising outlet is shut down. It did not take very long for me
to get out of this cycle of activist violence by bowing out of discussions
or “debates” against any anti-prostitution feminists. I was trying to limit
my victimization to the laws, police and potential violent perpetrators, I
certainly didn’t need to be yelled at by traumatized activists taking out
their issues on me. This also happens a lot in the sex worker rights
movement.  There is usually a big or more sublime daily or weekly
occuring incident/s of horizontal violence, sex workers creating some
drama which perpetuates others in their community. The drama triangle
never stops until you decide “Enough is enough.” and want to shift your
lifestyle, perspective and shift your results as a result. It takes work and
sometimes takes a major nervous breakdown. There is withdrawal,
backlash and collateral damage. This is the reason why I left the sex
worker rights movement and haven’t really stepped back into the arena
of activism since then. I had even taken a long break after many years,
went back to a very small gathering in Los Angeles to commemorate
December 17th “A Day to End Violence Against Sex Workers” and I
was heckled off the stage during my performance at that event. I was
now guaranteed to never lift a red umbrella in the same way
ever again after that.  But the way I moved on was to move on and let go.
 I still keep in touch and believe in causes, but I am careful to recognize
the potential of any communities who are caught up in the Drama triangle.
 Once you recognize it, you can see it everywhere. You can never be
immune to any drama, but you can deflect it by not retaliating, not doing
the knee jerk reaction, not Tweeting your first response.  I can’t even get
too involved on Twitter because it has too much Karpmann Drama on it.

Wednesday, February 6, 2019

Sex, Drugs and STDs

3 weeks ago “Surviving R Kelly” came out revealing
what many people have known for years: R Kelly
is a serial abuser and child molestor.  I could put
“alleged” but if we put that in front of his allegations,
it means that we have to go with the criminal prosecution
route of guilty until charged.  I think with social media
movements and women being fearless enough to go on
mic and camera to make their experiences real, we are
going to see more of #muteRKelly having an effect that the
criminal justice system seems to not have.  R Kelly’s lawyer
is doing interviews telling the media “there is no crime” and
that it’s just “she said versus he said” stories.  His lawyer is
a slimebag.  Not anymore than the slimebag that he is the
mouthpiece for by no obvious means. I don’t agree that we
should take a victim or survivor’s story at face value either
because PTSD can make you do crazy things.  It can feel
like a temporary insanity if you aren’t able to manage it well
and many people can’t .   I don’t know if “These women are
just looking for 15 minutes of fame” he says, as if speaking
your survivor story, despite the fact that it might get you on
a grammy award stage with Lady Gaga playing a white piano,
i don’t think any survivor actually thinks of themselves as famous
for speaking out.  Lady Gaga herself is an interesting example
of how survivors can flip flop their perspectives from the
seemingly willing to the seemingly against.  People change in
the public eye, especially performers and entertainers.  First
Gaga is dancing with R.Kelly singing “do what you want with
my body” and then she realizes that she has to speak out
against his violence and mute him with the rest of the
movement.  How could this be? As a survivor, I can totally
understand the flip flop.  But that’s what being famous looks like,
not telling your sexual or physical abuse story on TV.  I’ve told
my story many times on documentaries and news and people
actually just see you as a random face, not a
celebrity.  Sometimes they even see as a tramp, a liar, a gold
digger or whatever worse name they can muster.  I doubt they
even recognize you unless the person who calls you out the
street is some kind of stalker anyway.  “Hey, hey, I saw you on
the stage in the background for 3 seconds in that song with
Lady Gaga.”  I think the most courageous survivor story, that
most people will remember however, a real celebrity in my
opinion far more memorable than Gaga is Christine Blasey
Ford. It’s funny how the R Kelly scandal has so much of the
same language that is used against sex workers. “Sex, girls
and STDs” one of these videos says purporting that giving the
women he’s had relationships with herpes is part of the crime
that makes his physical abuse even more egregious.  It’s not
helpful that this preposterous propaganda about herpes is
being spread at the sake of “saving victims”  
“R Kelly is a pimp, but his only client is himself.”  says the
father of Joycelyn Savage, who left her college dorm room
clean and moved into the harem of R.Kelly.  She was 19 when
she left and she is 22 now appearing on TMZ as “fine and not
abused.”  It’s a lot like an episode of Atlanta housewives, the
mother is throwing up in the toilet and hysterical in the BBC
interviews, and the parents are on countless talk shows
chronicling their search for their daughter who is being locked
up R.Kelly’s house.  Everyone seems to be stuck in Karpmans
victim triangle.  R.Kelly is the persecutor, the former
girlfriends/wives and the parents of the ones currently in
relationship with Kelly are the rescuers for the victims who
are in the house of abuse of R.Kelly and its indeed made a
made for TV screen drama.

Tuesday, January 1, 2019

Self Medicating Trauma

Self Medicating Trauma

The day I decided to quit my job at the restaurant was
the second day that I was awake tossing and turning.
When I drink a lot I pass out but then after the initial inebriation
settles into my body I wake up at 2 or 4 or 6am feeling a
very certain kind of shitty. This certainty about the certain
shitty comes from my body's familiarity with self medicating
trauma. I'd gotten a job working as a general kitchen/server
staff at this restaurant in Tokyo just 2.5 months ago to
strengthen my Japanese fluency.  The work was not only
physically demanding but also mentally challenging for me
to work in my still developing second language AND deal
with the I'll treatment of all the managers around me. At first,
when times were hard I was being scolded constantly for
doing things wrong, and not remembering where things went I
absorbed all criticism. It was my fault, my Japanese was
shitty, I was not accustomed to Japanese work culture,
I wasn't good with authority, it was certainly my incompetence
that was causing them all to be so upset, irritated, rude and
unhappy whenever I was trying my hardest to do my job.
'But, I soon came to realize that I was indeed being treated
unfairly and that this was just a low paid part time job that did
not deserve so much sacrifice of my mental health, brain
strain and hard labor. My bosses hardly said hello or goodbye
or thank you to me and this alone contributed to the eventual
feeling that I was being punished for choosing to work there.
When someone looks at you with disgust on a constant basis,
when someone slams their hand on the counter and yells at you
to move faster, when management thinks it's okay to scold you
every shift in addition to reducing your hours to barely making
the job worth your time, it is known as something called
'Power Harassment’ in Japan.  In America, it's called
“workplace abuse/bullying” and it happens frequent enough but
in Japan the hierarchical social structure and the people's
intolerance to immigrants paves a clear path to be able to silently
abuse workers who aren't outspoken or who for whatever reason
depend on the abusive job for survival and are afraid to speak up
about working conditions. My case for neither of these descriptions.
In my case, I am a survivor of an abusive romantic relationship,
various sexual assaults and workplace violence as an independent
sex worker and abuse as an employed sex worker from co-workers
and management. Violence while doing sex work is not the
same as abuse from co-workers as a sex work employee and in
the many many years of working in escort agencies, brothels and
strip clubs I'd experienced many forms of it.  It wasn't actually until
I just wrote this blog that it all came back to the forefront of my
current existence just how much bullshit I have survived. While
it was happening at the restaurant I thought it was residual
relationship violence because I once got scolded for drying the
wine glasses facing down not up and the boss on shift was
acting like a boyfriend who wanted to slap me or break a glass
for intimidation sake because I dared to forget what he'd told me one
week ago the last time I was at work.  “Didn't I tell you this already?
Don't you understand when I tell you things?” he chided,
waiting for a submissive affirmation and ending shaking his
head and telling me how I never listen. I end my shift during the
daytime around 3pm and head straight to the convenience store
to get two bottles of whatever would take the pain from
that day away. “Hello, PTSD my old friend…” a modified
version of the Simon and Garfunkel will tune my body for the
next 24 hours. Self medicating trauma comes to me as
instinctual as taking a bath for muscle pain. I allow it because
I know myself well enough to know it is not a gateway to addiction,
it's a gateway to strong action awayfrom having to self medicate in
the first place. When I was a late night escort, independent or otherwise
however I do remember quitting not being as attractive an option
as self medicating to endure a situation that I felt was out
of my control.  But thispart time restaurant job was a decade later
in a different part of the world but still with the same body that
holds the same trauma. When self medicating with substances I
drink or drug until I feel some distance from the situation at hand.
And through this haze and numbness, I actually get strength and
clarity. Strange, right? I've since quit the job, filed a complaint and
type this with totally satisfied with how far I've come from any kind of
abuse or violence, embracing my imperfections and shortcomings
gently, reflecting sober after the unsober and grateful that I've at least
always had the ability to not make the substances add and multiply
the original situation like many who can't control what happens after
the uncontrollable grasp and pull towards the medicine.





Wednesday, October 10, 2018

Pain Management in Japan

I’m talking with Bobby, a fellow American who suffers from chronic pain
which seems to be the side effect of a vaccine.That same vaccine was
once MANDATORY for all new immigrants into the U.S but has since
been removed. If you experience side effects from a vaccine
administered in the U.S., you can file a legal claim with the VICP,
and they will pay all of your legal fees whether you win or lose the case.  
Common side effects of the vaccine he took include injection
site reactions (pain, swelling,redness, bruising, or itching),
fever, headache, dizziness, tiredness, nausea,vomiting, diarrhea,
sleep problems (insomnia), runny or stuffy nose, sore throat,cough,
tooth pain, or joint or muscle pain.  He has been diagnosed with
arthritis throughout his entire body and he is not even 35 years old.  
We are both currently living in Japan and discussing pain management.  
He takes Percocet in the U.S and has brought a supply to Japan with him.
 (He doesn’t live in Japan, only a few months at a time, so he can bring
enough to take before he goes back to get refills for a few months.)  
Have you tried Kratom or CBDs for your pain?  It seems like it
might be a good fit for you.
I tried it in the U.S
I couldn’t tell if it did much
But it’s in the opiate family
So I didn’t want to take it and my Percocet, and when I tried to take
it instead of my Percocet it wasn’t enough
You’ve also got to take tons of it as powder to get it to be effective
My friend tried it too as a stimulant
She was throwing up it was terrible - she started throwing up and she
tried to keep taking it but finally as she threw up repetitively she had to stop
I think I talked to my pain doc about it and they said it’s basically just a different opiate
So...
I prefer to have my opiate use managed by a health professional
I also tried cbd and thc but by myself I couldn’t get it to touch my pain, but I did
find a doc who can oversee it, so now that my legal case has concluded when I
get back to the US I will be looking into it more.


I agree that when I have certain types of physical pain, THC doesn’t do much except
deal with the symptoms in your head that you have outside of the actual acute pain
 (such as anxiety/depression/mood elevation), but I think when you have intense
physical pain you really know when you need something stronger.


I’m mostly worried about my doctor and my future ability to get opiates here
If I lose that chance it’ll dramatically shorten the time I can stay in japan since
my doctor in the us can’t give me too long of a supply because of the war on
opiates in the U.S.  I’m fucked from both sides but unfortunately not in a
pleasant way lol
I tried Mdma for my arthritis
It helped but then when the effect wore off my body crashed - it helped not
just as a wonderful high, but because it knocks down your immune system
for a while.  I could take it but I’ll feel terrible for two days after, and then I’ll
feel a little better for a little while, and then worse...
I didn't like Percocet actually, or I probably would have asked you for one, he he,
but that would be kind of cruel since you need them and I don’t, but i’m sure I
would have asked anyway being who I am and that drugs in Japan are so hard
to come by.
Why don’t u like Percocet? When and how long did u take it? In the US I don’t know
that kratom would be very useful for me because it would be like I had to pay for my
opiate prescription out of pocket, Kratom isn’t a metaphorical opiate it’s an actual opiate.
I tried percs for recreational use only, Also oxy made me hug a toilet after getting really
short of breath and dizzy..  I take one pill like someone takes MDMA or ecstasy.
I’m not prone to addiction because I’m not attracted to super addictive substances
and when I do them, I seem to be able to stop myself when I start feeling shitty instead
of seek out more.  I do like Valium, though.
Yes it did the same for me for almost a year
I had to take an anti nausea medicine
But now I think my tolerance is high enough or something that it’s basically like
taking Tylenol for me or something
The mental effect is super subtle but the effect on my pain is very significant
Do u know what I think is the most interesting part of opiates? It makes it hard for me to cum
mdma too, its impossible for me to cum, feels great but no possible orgasm
you know its great that your friend is distilling the kratom, because it's super hard to take as a powder
i talked to my pain doctor yesterday so she could help me understand the differences
between percocet and oxycotin, because its oxycotin that i was able to get in japan - i might
be able to get normal oxycodone but they may have to order it or something special - complicated -
they work very differently because oxycotin is extended release - so i'm very worried that I
won't be able to get to the right dose, but we will see how it goes.
Japan has social insurance for residents and legal visa holders, but you are a tourist, so
it must cost you a fortune.
it was $250 for two weeks, it was expensive.  i had a prescription for a whole month but reduced
it to two weeks to make it more affordable, not a great situation for me, I may be in a lot of pain,
but I shouldn't experience withdrawal so that’s good
Does the fear of withdrawal plague you? It feels like a cold right?
i think the withdrawal would be very severe, sometimes when i don't take my medicine for a
while, my entire legs, both of them, begin to ache, like a restless leg syndrome kind of thing
i guess that would be a first sign - but i don't know much about the withdrawal, i don't really
think about it since i don't feel like I should be facing it anytime too soon
i think if i want to stop taking it ill do a gradual ween off and try to avoid any real
withdrawal symptoms
the biggest problem i believe would be dealing with the pain from my arthritis -
i'm not worried about withdrawal, im worried about living with my pain with no relief at all..
it never goes away, but at least i can somewhat function when I take enough medicine
if i keep taking the pills - i still feel some pain, but even with flares all over i can walk around and
still live a pretty good life.