Karpmans Drama Triangle: Who are the Pimps and Victims?

My deconstruction of this drama does not mean that I am on the

side of R. Kelly but rather, I’m looking at reframing the drama in

a way that helps people see the roles that are so neatly being

played out in this and many of the recent #metoo situations.

 I can absolutely believe that he has taken on stereotypical

abusive Black pimp behaviors which are described in detail in the

documentary “Surviving R Kelly” which resemble documentaries

that have been done on Black pimps who also keep stables of

women using methods of financial, psychological, physical and

sexual abuse to maintain Their dominance.  These stereotypical

behaviors have been documented in pimp documentaries and

may be hard to hear without feeling like I am being racist, but I

believe that these Black men prey on the vulnerabilities of women

in their own communities specifically because they know how to

attract and attach their victims. While I worked as an escort,
I would get baiting calls from Black pimps often enough to know
that the stereotypes were based on truth, not just movies and that
many of the Black escorts I knew also did not see Black clients
and they were not being racist, they were protecting themselves
from pimps.
R Kelly uses the bait and hook of fame and a music industry
career and subsequently grooms these women with several tried
and tested tactics that he has managed to perfect over the years
of being the perpetrator of hard to detect (no obvious bruises and
none of his victims have called the police on him) violence which
are not criminal according to the

courts.  It is difficult to watch Joycelyn’s parents go on a rescuer

crusade to save their 22 year old daughter “on behalf of all the girls

that are trapped in his house” because she is an adult harming

herself even though she is in an abusive relationship. It seems to

be beyond intervention at this point and moved literally into made

for TV drama based on this Karpman's triangle. Joycelyn could be

using drugs or doing sex work with a real pimp the same, individuals

will not change unless they feel ready, willing and able to. I think

about how the word pimp is used as one of the most negative names

that you can call a person if you aren’t using it in a “good slang” way.

It seems to be much like the n word then, I suppose. I recall that

anti-sex work crusaders who are stuck in the rescuer role also become

perpetrators to consensual sex workers that they call “pimps” if they

are working collectively in activism.  Sex workers are the perpetual

victims to the anti-sex work movement as well as the oppressive laws

whose change seems nowhere in sight. They move into survivor and

teacher roles seeking to be proactive about their victimization but the

satisfaction seems to be temporary because new big bad laws are

passed constantly, more sex workers are killed without notice and/or

a major advertising outlet is shut down. It did not take very long for me

to get out of this cycle of activist violence by bowing out of discussions

or “debates” against any anti-prostitution feminists. I was trying to limit

my victimization to the laws, police and potential violent perpetrators, I

certainly didn’t need to be yelled at by traumatized activists taking out

their issues on me. This also happens a lot in the sex worker rights

movement.  There is usually a big or more sublime daily or weekly

occuring incident/s of horizontal violence, sex workers creating some

drama which perpetuates others in their community. The drama triangle

never stops until you decide “Enough is enough.” and want to shift your

lifestyle, perspective and shift your results as a result. It takes work and

sometimes takes a major nervous breakdown. There is withdrawal,

backlash and collateral damage. This is the reason why I left the sex

worker rights movement and haven’t really stepped back into the arena

of activism since then. I had even taken a long break after many years,

went back to a very small gathering in Los Angeles to commemorate

December 17th “A Day to End Violence Against Sex Workers” and I

was heckled off the stage during my performance at that event. I was

now guaranteed to never lift a red umbrella in the same way

ever again after that.  But the way I moved on was to move on and let go.

 I still keep in touch and believe in causes, but I am careful to recognize

the potential of any communities who are caught up in the Drama triangle.

 Once you recognize it, you can see it everywhere. You can never be

immune to any drama, but you can deflect it by not retaliating, not doing

the knee jerk reaction, not Tweeting your first response.  I can’t even get

too involved on Twitter because it has too much Karpmann Drama on it.