Sex, Drugs and STDs

3 weeks ago “Surviving R Kelly” came out revealing

what many people have known for years: R Kelly

is a serial abuser and child molestor.  I could put

“alleged” but if we put that in front of his allegations,

it means that we have to go with the criminal prosecution

route of guilty until charged.  I think with social media

movements and women being fearless enough to go on

mic and camera to make their experiences real, we are

going to see more of #muteRKelly having an effect that the

criminal justice system seems to not have.  R Kelly’s lawyer

is doing interviews telling the media “there is no crime” and

that it’s just “she said versus he said” stories.  His lawyer is

a slimebag.  Not anymore than the slimebag that he is the

mouthpiece for by no obvious means. I don’t agree that we

should take a victim or survivor’s story at face value either

because PTSD can make you do crazy things.  It can feel

like a temporary insanity if you aren’t able to manage it well

and many people can’t .   I don’t know if “These women are

just looking for 15 minutes of fame” he says, as if speaking

your survivor story, despite the fact that it might get you on

a grammy award stage with Lady Gaga playing a white piano,

i don’t think any survivor actually thinks of themselves as famous

for speaking out.  Lady Gaga herself is an interesting example

of how survivors can flip flop their perspectives from the

seemingly willing to the seemingly against.  People change in

the public eye, especially performers and entertainers.  First

Gaga is dancing with R.Kelly singing “do what you want with

my body” and then she realizes that she has to speak out

against his violence and mute him with the rest of the

movement.  How could this be? As a survivor, I can totally

understand the flip flop.  But that’s what being famous looks like,

not telling your sexual or physical abuse story on TV.  I’ve told

my story many times on documentaries and news and people

actually just see you as a random face, not a

celebrity.  Sometimes they even see as a tramp, a liar, a gold

digger or whatever worse name they can muster.  I doubt they

even recognize you unless the person who calls you out the

street is some kind of stalker anyway.  “Hey, hey, I saw you on

the stage in the background for 3 seconds in that song with

Lady Gaga.”  I think the most courageous survivor story, that

most people will remember however, a real celebrity in my

opinion far more memorable than Gaga is Christine Blasey

Ford. It’s funny how the R Kelly scandal has so much of the

same language that is used against sex workers. “Sex, girls

and STDs” one of these videos says purporting that giving the

women he’s had relationships with herpes is part of the crime

that makes his physical abuse even more egregious.  It’s not

helpful that this preposterous propaganda about herpes is

being spread at the sake of “saving victims”  

“R Kelly is a pimp, but his only client is himself.”  says the

father of Joycelyn Savage, who left her college dorm room

clean and moved into the harem of R.Kelly.  She was 19 when

she left and she is 22 now appearing on TMZ as “fine and not

abused.”  It’s a lot like an episode of Atlanta housewives, the

mother is throwing up in the toilet and hysterical in the BBC

interviews, and the parents are on countless talk shows

chronicling their search for their daughter who is being locked

up R.Kelly’s house.  Everyone seems to be stuck in Karpmans

victim triangle.  R.Kelly is the persecutor, the former

girlfriends/wives and the parents of the ones currently in

relationship with Kelly are the rescuers for the victims who

are in the house of abuse of R.Kelly and its indeed made a

made for TV screen drama.