tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18911198405962069062024-03-13T20:39:58.330-07:00the virtues of vicemarginalutilityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12269408950348611307noreply@blogger.comBlogger58125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1891119840596206906.post-52637034241297923772019-06-12T00:36:00.000-07:002019-06-12T00:36:02.595-07:00Lust, Love, Attachment all Bumble-d together<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt; white-space: pre-wrap;">on a smartphone dating app.</span></div>
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<b id="docs-internal-guid-61fbe9e8-7fff-2e59-bd15-64b58350a9e9" style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;">Quick swipe hookup culture. It’s what the kids are doing these days</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;">. No one is buying dinner anymore it seems. Not even McDonalds. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;">“I don’t go on dates, not trying to date.” he said with a charming grin</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;"> on his face. The same one on his selfie on his profile. </span></div>
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<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;">I should have known better when a cute tattoo artist was giving me</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;"> sexy attention. Looks like love but its really just sex. But I had</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;"> been whipped into an adolescent romance fantasy and it looked </span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;">like love because my little girl had always wanted love from</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;"> someone like him. He was handsome, he was an artist and</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;"> he was giving me attention. All the important things necessary</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;"> for a life partner. :)</span></div>
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<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;">“I’ll give you a tour of my place.” he said and we were upstairs in </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;">his very clean studio apartment on top of his tattoo studio. </span></div>
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<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;">“Wow.” I said. “Cool place.” I’d been looking at Honolulu living </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;">spaces all week looking for an apartment to call home so, his abode, </span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;">although a little dark for me, was ideal for his sex filled tattoo caveman</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;"> lifestyle and I could appreciate how matched the two were for each</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;"> other. I longed to find the same for myself. I was still pretty naive to </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;">his game. The chemical blinders had begun to TAKE HOLD. (It looks</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;"> something like ivy fingers growing over the eyeballs and brain stem). </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;">There are proven chemical reactions that happen to your brain on drugs</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;"> both chemical and internal. Studying the science of attraction has really </span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;">helped me be able to make more solid decisions in my life. </span></div>
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<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;">I’ve written about how love and drugs were related before but I made </span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;">some interesting new discoveries with this new Bumble fling. </span></div>
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<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;">ADRENALYN. Internet dating, hooking up, hiring a sex worker, buying</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;"> drugs/sex from a stranger all involve the body chemical adrenalyn. And </span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;">when we mix it with people who are bad for us, that hit us, or fuck us rough</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;"> or spit in our faces? Adrenalyn.</span></div>
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<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;">Adrenalyn and attraction go together like cocaine and credit cards! Weeee! </span></div>
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<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;">“</span><a href="https://www.yourtango.com/experts/810838/science-attraction-falling-love-chemicals" target="_blank"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #4a4a4a; font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;">Dopamine, serotonin and oxytocin, referred to as </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #4a4a4a; font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration-skip-ink: none; text-decoration: underline; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">"feel-good hormones",</span></a></div>
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<a href="https://www.yourtango.com/experts/810838/science-attraction-falling-love-chemicals" target="_blank"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #4a4a4a; font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration-skip-ink: none; text-decoration: underline; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> are released shortly after meeting someone we like</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #4a4a4a; font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">.</span></a></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="background-color: white; line-height: 2.1; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #4a4a4a; font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;">Dopamine triggers an intense rush of pleasure — which has </span><a href="https://www.salon.com/2015/02/14/love_is_like_cocaine_the_remarkable_terrifying_neuroscience_of_romance/" style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="-webkit-text-decoration-skip: none; background-color: transparent; color: #4a4a4a; font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration-skip-ink: none; text-decoration: underline; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;">the same</span></a></div>
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<a href="https://www.salon.com/2015/02/14/love_is_like_cocaine_the_remarkable_terrifying_neuroscience_of_romance/" style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="-webkit-text-decoration-skip: none; background-color: transparent; color: #4a4a4a; font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration-skip-ink: none; text-decoration: underline; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;"> effect on the brain as taking cocaine</span></a><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #4a4a4a; font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;">. Once dopamine is released into</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="background-color: white; line-height: 2.1; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #4a4a4a; font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;"> the body, it leads to:</span></div>
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<li dir="ltr" style="background-color: transparent; color: #4a4a4a; font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; list-style-type: disc; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;"><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #4a4a4a; font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;">Increased energy.</span></div>
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<li dir="ltr" style="background-color: transparent; color: #4a4a4a; font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; list-style-type: disc; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;"><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #4a4a4a; font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;">Less need for sleep or food.</span></div>
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<li dir="ltr" style="background-color: transparent; color: #4a4a4a; font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; list-style-type: disc; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;"><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #4a4a4a; font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;">More focused attention on the person whom we like.</span></div>
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<li dir="ltr" style="background-color: transparent; color: #4a4a4a; font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; list-style-type: disc; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;"><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #4a4a4a; font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;">Exquisite delight in all the smallest details of the new person.</span></div>
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<li dir="ltr" style="background-color: transparent; color: #4a4a4a; font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; list-style-type: disc; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;"><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #4a4a4a; font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;">Need for attention.</span></div>
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<li dir="ltr" style="background-color: transparent; color: #4a4a4a; font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; list-style-type: disc; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;"><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 8pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #4a4a4a; font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;">Feelings of excitement and happiness.</span></div>
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</ul>
<div dir="ltr" style="background-color: white; line-height: 2.1; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #4a4a4a; font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;">Serotonin plays a significant role in balancing mood, appetite, sexual </span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="background-color: white; line-height: 2.1; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #4a4a4a; font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;">desire and sexual function and is an essential chemical for the start of</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="background-color: white; line-height: 2.1; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #4a4a4a; font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;"> any new relationship. Serotonin diverts the mind and binds it to think </span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="background-color: white; line-height: 2.1; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #4a4a4a; font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;">about one’s lover and nothing else. When this love chemical is in effect, </span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="background-color: white; line-height: 2.1; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #4a4a4a; font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;">people are engrossed in thought about the person they like about </span><a href="http://examinedexistence.com/why-we-fall-in-love-the-science-of-love/" style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="-webkit-text-decoration-skip: none; background-color: transparent; color: #4a4a4a; font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration-skip-ink: none; text-decoration: underline; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;">65</span></a></div>
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<a href="http://examinedexistence.com/why-we-fall-in-love-the-science-of-love/" style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="-webkit-text-decoration-skip: none; background-color: transparent; color: #4a4a4a; font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration-skip-ink: none; text-decoration: underline; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;"> percent of the day</span></a><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #4a4a4a; font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;">.” </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #4a4a4a; font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;"> Well, after tattoo man and I were doing a Tantric eye gaze (I, of</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #4a4a4a; font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;"> course volunteered to demonstrate my “magic” on him) , I started to get</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #4a4a4a; font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;"> hungry. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #4a4a4a; font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;">“There’s a bunch of restaurants down the street. You’re free to go </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #4a4a4a; font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;">and come back, I’ll be here.” he said with the same charming smile.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #4a4a4a; font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;"> All these body chemicals were making my head spin and my stomach</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #4a4a4a; font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;"> gurgle. We had made it onto his bed in a cuddle and all of my</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #4a4a4a; font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;"> chemicals were now mixing together with vasopressin, aka the monogamy</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #4a4a4a; font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;"> drug which always gets kicked in when I see men with young children, </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #4a4a4a; font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;">who make their status as baby daddy with a crib in his bedroom very</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #4a4a4a; font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;"> clear to the girls they are bringing to his bed. He talks candidly about his </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #4a4a4a; font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;">“baby” and all the trouble he’s in with the baby mama who is abusive to</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #4a4a4a; font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;"> him and paints himself out to be the good guy victim in any drama that </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #4a4a4a; font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;">he describes. “It’s because she’s a bad person.” he says nonchalantly. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #4a4a4a; font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;">And girls like me are supposed to be, “Awwww let me help you get your</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #4a4a4a; font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;"> mind off that bad bad lady!” </span></div>
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marginalutilityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12269408950348611307noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1891119840596206906.post-54626932481788024012019-04-25T06:30:00.000-07:002019-04-25T06:38:37.744-07:00FU PAY ME and other states of being<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-7YjulmxMn48/XMG2NfJ-3iI/AAAAAAAADpI/9Ck--9c6CyQiyr_I5of2Cfo7Vlwh-ZkHACLcBGAs/s1600/cardi.red.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="183" data-original-width="275" height="266" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-7YjulmxMn48/XMG2NfJ-3iI/AAAAAAAADpI/9Ck--9c6CyQiyr_I5of2Cfo7Vlwh-ZkHACLcBGAs/s400/cardi.red.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 10.5pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">To take someone's sexual consent, in a calculated, </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 10.5pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">premeditated way means that you certainly felt justified </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 10.5pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">and often reason that it was owed to you somehow...</span></div>
<b id="docs-internal-guid-411ba4d0-7fff-2300-df0f-33e631151c12" style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 10.5pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">This is a Bill and Cardi parallel I can agree with. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 10.5pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">A powerful Hollywood actor billionaire and a woman</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 10.5pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;"> in her sex worker/sexual youth tigress prime have </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 10.5pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">in common that they feel entitled to anyone they</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 10.5pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;"> want to have sexually. Because they are both so </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 10.5pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">hot, they are on fire and untouchable by any limits. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 10.5pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">Bill Cosby was never a handsome man but his </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 10.5pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">hotness in his field and his net worth should </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 10.5pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">of course make people put that all aside. </span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 10.5pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">If you watch any episodes of the youtube series</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 10.5pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">"For my Man" you'll hear all the salacious but true </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 10.5pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">crime genre that dramatizes all the prison resulting</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 10.5pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;"> crimes women have done for the men they loved. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 10.5pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;"> You can justify anything you do, the most heinous</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 10.5pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;"> and vicious actions. Disassociation does not just </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 10.5pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">work for the wounded while they are getting </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 10.5pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">wounded but it works well to protect their hold on</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 10.5pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;"> reality from sinking in while they are perpetrating</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 10.5pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;"> violence. It may not be for love, it may just be</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 10.5pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;"> because you feel like you deserve what you are </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 10.5pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">taking and this story even fuels your dehumanization </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 10.5pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">of your victims. But they're not victims to the </span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 10.5pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">perpetrators, maybe they're toys. It's a thrill game</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 10.5pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;"> to them. Like when Winona Ryder used to shoplift </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 10.5pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">and make the news getting caught. Making right the</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 10.5pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;"> wrongs with physical violence. Seems logical</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 10.5pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;"> to more than you might think.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 10.5pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">To refer back to the initial quote of this piece, I wan</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 10.5pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">t to talk about feeling entitled to rape. Payback? </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 10.5pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;"> Initiation. FUCK YOU PAY ME? That wound that</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 10.5pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;"> never heals because you and people in the same</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 10.5pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;"> stage of wounding as you are ensuring the cycle</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 10.5pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;"> continues. I"m talking about Cardi B here. Not Cosby.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 10.5pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;"> I don't know if I should even attempt to imagine life in </span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 10.5pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">Cosby's mind at the time, because it's very difficult to do </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 10.5pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">so if you have aligned more with Cardi for most of your </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 10.5pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">life. I spent 6 years as an at risk "outcall bitch" in LA and</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 10.5pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;"> done and seen way too much crazy shit to really not ever</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 10.5pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;"> want to do it again but in awe of the me that used to be</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 10.5pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;"> able to it. 6 years is a long time. I never sexually or</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 10.5pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;"> physically assaulted anyone, but the same cannot be said</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 10.5pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;"> about clients doing to me. “The streets” is a dangerous,</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 10.5pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;"> live living spark that passes from generation to generation,</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 10.5pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;"> cutting and burning everyone and many things on the way. </span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 10.5pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;"> Overwhelmingly for female bodied sex workers and drug </span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 10.5pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">dealers, death and rape are the occupational hazards. </span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 10.5pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">Always being a victim because of your gender gets tiring. </span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 10.5pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">FUCK YOU. PAY ME. Street mentality is also not the most </span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 10.5pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">emotionally developed because of the trauma people have</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 10.5pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;"> lived through by the time they are of age. One upping a man</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 10.5pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;"> at the violence game requires drugging a man or hitting him </span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 10.5pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">blindside which is much more dangerous. How else to</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 10.5pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;"> overpower someone twice your size? Knock them out. </span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 10.5pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">Carry a gun. LEVEL UP. What game are you playing?</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 10.5pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">We have many choices to make in life, in “the streets” and</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 10.5pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;"> in various other locations throughout our development. </span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 10.5pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">What is the cost, what risk is involved, who will be hurt </span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 10.5pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">and do we care? What can we stand to win? What have</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 10.5pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;"> we got to lose and who will be hurt are not even the same</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 10.5pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;"> questions in case you were wondering. Your mindset controls</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 10.5pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;"> your body and your fate. It can make wrong seem right </span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 10.5pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">and right seem scary, disgusting, dangerous because you </span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 10.5pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">believe it’s impossible or threatening because its not familiar.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 10.5pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;"> If someone breaks your heart or betrays you, you are entitled</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 10.5pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;"> to break their mind, body and soul forever. You don’t actually. </span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 10.5pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">But it will take some time maybe a lifetime before it sinks in. </span></div>
<br />marginalutilityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12269408950348611307noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1891119840596206906.post-33840844940112425902019-03-18T05:49:00.000-07:002019-03-18T05:49:41.602-07:00So What Brings You to Our Country Today?I've been watching a lot of "Nothing to Declare" on YouTube because I've recently been addicted to the Police Confession/Interrogation RealityTV" genre. I've watched entire police confessions from high profile killers half out of voyeurism and fascination and also for my own research to understand the games and ways that real interrogations at the border and in questioning rooms work. It seems that the tactic is to drain your energy until you confess. Hours and hours of grilling you with the same questions asked different ways and other mind manipulation tactics. <iframe allow="accelerometer; autoplay; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture" allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/TxvidRL36_Y" width="560"></iframe> I've been also watching "To Catch a Smuggler" which was a natural succession because it was on the related videos tab where my attention naturally migrated. I've recently found out that I'm actually an empath, so it is quite hard for us empathic people to hide our feelings, and police and border patrol authorities look for a break in your emotions while they are questioning you. The interrogation that is recorded at the borders of the U.S, Canada, UK, and New Zealand. You watch individuals try to lie on camera and get caught one after the other trying to smuggle everything from currency, drugs, meat and live insects. There have been a few escorts on these shows who come from other countries and in the end, they confess and they are refused admittance from the Canadian episodes that I've seen after officers went through one woman's phone and found her work emails. I have been detained and refused entry into Canada for bringing a weed pipe in my car thinking that I would save money buying a pipe, so I'd just not bring the weed flowers but bring my pipe. It is illegal to carry marijuana from state to state of any quantity even if it is legal in the state you are leaving and going to. It's still consider smuggling of drugs! "We are arresting you for smuggling or attempting to smuggle xyz." I had a pipe and after thorough inspection of my entire vehicle they did find a truly forgotten about half gram of kief powder (green powder you sprinkle on your bowl) in between my seats but it wasn't enough to arrest me. in the mean time they did rifle through my shit including my journal, and kept me on each country's border for 6 hours, as well as perform a body search on me. And since then, entry into Canada is frightening because I really was just intending to be a tourist that day. They stop and turn back illegal workers all the time. They rifle through your bags to see if you have any professional equipment and if you do ask if you have a work permit. "I'm here to meet a girl from the internet" or "Just here for vacation" is used frequently, but fails when they open the suitcase and you've got construction worker equipment or martial arts gear in your suitcase. And then they ask if they can speak to your girl or boyfriend to verify your story. So I'm learning how to make sure to get my ducks in a line if I am going to lie about something through this show. Don't be caught stuttering and stammering. I really don't know how they let me into Japan. I sometimes think Japan is super strict but not so smart. To get a Japanese visa it asks you to check yes or no to the question "Have you ever been associated with prostitution?" I checked NO of course. ;)<br />
But they clearly don't google people. When you google my government name it shows that I am a transsexual prostitute high up on the results. And some other sex worker art festivals which I can say I was a performer in. I can bust an R.Kelly and easily say everything on the internet is a lie. Because I'm definitely not a transsexual. Whoever wrote that is not hurting me because I can identify as genderqueer even though I'm a cis woman. I don't mind being called a dude, or being told I am masculine, but because the transsexual prostitute article is high ranked it actually helps me lie about the fact that I'm not a prostitute. :)<br />
<br />
Some people just think they can get away with it or pass through undetected without hiding it all just mixed into their luggage, others swallow capsules, body pack it, there are seizures by mail where people have hidden it in a laptop or in false parts of suitcases or briefcases. This show shows them all and shows them being discovered on camera. Shows the x-rays where you can see all the capsules in the stomach in the body x-ray! ALL OF THE GUILTY PEOPLE LIE. They also show people with false suspiciouns who after thorough inspection turn out to be clean. It seems pretty realistic to me. Except, that they are probably making it seem like they catch a lot more people than they actually do. And then they're caught. Or these people on camera are caught. It's effectively got me scared shitless of bringing anything at ALL or working illegally overseas anywhere. But, I remember that that is the point of these shows.marginalutilityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12269408950348611307noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1891119840596206906.post-91950283424792534452019-03-01T05:04:00.003-08:002019-03-01T17:18:15.272-08:00How do I know if the hand job is from a slave or not?<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "arial"; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">My hobbyist friend is cheap when it comes to paying for sex like Robert Kraft. Except there’s about 6.4 billion dollars separating their net worth. I actually introduced him to his first lady, Martha, an older whore who had a lot of mileage, courage and wisdom. “First Lady, This is John.” “John, meet first lady. You’re welcome.” and years of mutual benefits ensue from continued transactions which ensue after said introduction. Except John gets tired of the same old lady, just like in their marriages. This is how you avoid trafficked workers, referral only. But that didn’t work<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-gF6ZvQXEUOM/XHktnsAjBYI/AAAAAAAADlA/qN40x_ACao0pglJlP2ku1gk95C78hjCbQCLcBGAs/s1600/IMG_20190209_214628.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="320" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-gF6ZvQXEUOM/XHktnsAjBYI/AAAAAAAADlA/qN40x_ACao0pglJlP2ku1gk95C78hjCbQCLcBGAs/s320/IMG_20190209_214628.jpg" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Modern Day Slavery or Suspended<br />
Submission Hold?</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
for my friend for long and Kraft is no different from most John’s of that caliber. Massage parlor means reasonable prices and variety. $150 is the most they are willing to pay for their orgasms. And that’s final. Regardless of if they make billions or not. One of the things that I educate clients of cheaper sex workers is that the risk is higher. This is true for you who are working these clients and for clients venturing to see these workers. Willing to take that risk? Okay, then. Don’t say no one told you. It can be rough out there. The majority of the risk is big stings like this. They happen all the time and are often used for political career stoking. Because street prostitution and trafficking raids on Asian massage venues are considered low hanging fruit. You don’t like that title? Then don’t get hookers from the streets, or without screening them yourself first OR getting a worker introduction via a friend, unless you knowingly understand that you can land in jail. This goes for high risk low dollar workers the same as clients. This is a fact. It happened to me. I was the lowest hanging fruit, shouting and screaming defiantly while walking into a trap. </span></span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><br /></span></b>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Rich people can be notorious hardline cheapos, hey, that’s how they got to be rich, right? Take notes! Doing research and paying a little more for a sex work date that is SAFE (for STDs, consensual, and sane) for what you want can actually guarantee an</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> ETHICAL TRADE SEX WORKER.</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> How do you know if the sim card in your phone is not made with slave labor? Are you willing to do the detective work to trace the dollar? </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The same thing is true of your vegetables, your sneakers, your computer parts everything that the United States benefits to buy in quantity. There are gradation lines for us ethically between one economy member doing continued unequal market trade to the eventual profit and continued mutual benefit of all AND human trafficking sexual or otherwise. And then there's Domestic Workplace Abuse. Do we want to redirect our dollars away from WalMarts and Amazons? Or is it just unethical working conditions for sex slaves that deserve your support. There are many elements of abuse and coercion that occur in unmeasured statistics the same way sexual assault, drug and sex abuse intersect undetected. People 'work’ for their partners without ever acknowledging abuse, finding all levels of abuse is like finding those directly affected by relationship violence and getting them to talk about it. If you want to see what sexual conditioning and trafficking of underage girls looks like turn to R Kelly's case not to the Patriots arrest at a massage parlor. R.Kelly is being convicted with a felony that was designed in the 1900s to protect white girls from being abducted and here its being used by a Black Sexual Predator on Black women. This is the perfect use for white slavery laws, not to arrest consenting clients and immigrant workers </span></span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><br /></span></b>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">So you ready to start seeing the sex worker that gets you off as a human on a human rights level? </span></span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><br /></span></b>
<br />
<ol style="margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<li dir="ltr" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; list-style-type: decimal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;"><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">See if she is conversant on a personal level or if she is non conversant, evasive, nervous. SIGNS OF POST TRAUMATIC STRESS DISORDER (PTSD) falling asleep while giving a massage or counting money, forgetfulness, repeating of phrases or answers for questions (disassociated or sleep deprived), frequent trips to the bathroom or "bathroom." (This could mean that they have certain problems, but not necessarily that they are trafficked)</span></span></div>
</li>
<li dir="ltr" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; list-style-type: decimal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;"><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">See if they have a personal mobile phone number and can you text her when you want to come in aside from calling the spa, test the number, if it is answered by another worker, then she works for an agency and may not neccesarily be in an abusive and coercive trafficking ring. Many new workers prefer to work for agents with drivers and more capital and experience to get them started and are happy to give over a huge fee to have this taken care of for them. All agencys can be charged with pimping even if it is adult sane and consensual.</span></span></div>
</li>
<li dir="ltr" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; list-style-type: decimal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;"><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Do you see bruising or cuts that seem unexplainable or lied about, scars from cutting</span></span></div>
</li>
<li dir="ltr" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; list-style-type: decimal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;"><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">You can ask to see if he will show you her ID with the information covered, just to verify that she has access to one and it easily is furnished at no risk to her with ease. Propose to do this BEFORE you take your clothes off. Be willing to walk over non compliance.</span></span></div>
</li>
<li dir="ltr" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; list-style-type: decimal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;"><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Will he do a screening meetup for $100. This money goes towards your safety and well being, as well as your checking for management systems and amount of autonomy. Don’t offer coffee in exchange for this meetup. $100.</span></span></div>
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<li dir="ltr" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; list-style-type: decimal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;"><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Can you add them on social media?</span></span></div>
</li>
<li dir="ltr" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; list-style-type: decimal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;"><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Does she have her own website (if she does (not just her own ads, her own site) her rate is likely $300+/hr) but is probably 99.9% not trafficked.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;"><br /></span>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">None of these things alone that I just listed together to help hobbyists who have this question, it is not an exhaustive list and its definitely my opinion only. But i got 6 years of high risk sex work experience and I been in the slammer once. I’ve been in pretty abusive work situations but nothing I would ever call trafficking or pimping. I was always in power to walk away from anywhere I worked. Even though I didn’t soon enough sometimes. </span></span></div>
marginalutilityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12269408950348611307noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1891119840596206906.post-70472142279662353882019-02-11T04:51:00.000-08:002019-03-17T03:59:45.365-07:00Karpmans Drama Triangle: Who are the Pimps and Victims?<span id="docs-internal-guid-bca04ff8-7fff-f7e4-8694-f79dd0a7494a"><br /></span>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;"> My deconstruction of this drama does not mean </span><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">that I am on the</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> side of R. Kelly but rather, I’m looking at reframing the drama in</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> a way that helps people see the roles that are so neatly being </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">played out in this and many of the recent #metoo situations. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> I can absolutely believe that he has taken on stereotypical </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">abusive Black pimp behaviors which are described in detail in the</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> documentary “Surviving R Kelly” which resemble documentaries</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> that have been done on Black pimps who also keep stables of </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">women using methods of financial, psychological, physical and </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">sexual abuse to maintain Their dominance. These stereotypical</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> behaviors have been documented in pimp documentaries and </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">may be hard to hear without feeling like I am being racist, but I </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">believe that these Black men prey on the vulnerabilities of women</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> in their own communities specifically because they know how to</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> attract and attach their victims. While I worked as an escort,</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I would get baiting calls from Black pimps often enough to know</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">that the stereotypes were based on truth, not just movies and that</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">many of the Black escorts I knew also did not see Black clients</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">and they were not being racist, they were protecting themselves </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">from pimps. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> R Kelly uses the bait and hook </span><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre-wrap;">of fame and a music industry</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre-wrap;"> career and subsequently grooms</span><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre-wrap;"> these women with several tried</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre-wrap;"> and tested tactics that he has </span><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre-wrap;">managed to perfect over the years</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre-wrap;"> of being the perpetrator of hard</span><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre-wrap;"> to detect (no obvious bruises and</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre-wrap;"> none of his victims have called </span><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre-wrap;">the police on him) violence which</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre-wrap;"> are not criminal according to the</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> courts. It is difficult to watch Joycelyn’s parents go on a rescuer</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> crusade to save their 22 year old daughter “on behalf of all the girls</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> that are trapped in his house” because she is an adult harming</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> herself even though she is in an abusive relationship. It seems to</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> be beyond intervention at this point and moved literally into made</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> for TV drama based on this Karpman's triangle. Joycelyn could be</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> using drugs or doing sex work with a real pimp the same, <b><u>individuals</u></b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><b><u> will not change unless they feel ready, willing and able to.</u></b> I think</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> about how the word pimp is used as one of the most negative names</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> that you can call a person if you aren’t using it in a “good slang” way.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> It seems to be much like the n word then, I suppose. I recall that</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> anti-sex work crusaders who are stuck in the rescuer role also become</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> perpetrators to consensual sex workers that they call “pimps” if they </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">are working collectively in activism. Sex workers are the perpetual </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">victims to the anti-sex work movement as well as the oppressive laws </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">whose change seems nowhere in sight. They move into survivor and </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">teacher roles seeking to be proactive about their victimization but the </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">satisfaction seems to be temporary because new big bad laws are </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">passed constantly, more sex workers are killed without notice and/or </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">a major advertising outlet is shut down. It did not take very long for me </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">to get out of this cycle of activist violence by bowing out of discussions </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">or “debates” against any anti-prostitution feminists. I was trying to limit </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">my victimization to the laws, police and potential violent perpetrators, I </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">certainly didn’t need to be yelled at by traumatized activists taking out</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> their issues on me. This also happens a lot in the sex worker rights </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">movement. There is usually a big or more sublime daily or weekly </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">occuring incident/s of horizontal violence, sex workers creating some</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> drama which perpetuates others in their community. The drama triangle</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> never stops until you decide “Enough is enough.” and want to shift your </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">lifestyle, perspective and shift your results as a result. It takes work and </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">sometimes takes a major nervous breakdown. There is withdrawal, </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">backlash and collateral damage. This is the reason why I left the sex </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">worker rights movement and haven’t really stepped back into the arena </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">of activism since then. I had even taken a long break after many years, </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">went back to a very small gathering in Los Angeles to commemorate </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">December 17th “A Day to End Violence Against Sex Workers” and I </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">was heckled off the stage during my performance at that event. I was</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> now guaranteed to never lift a red umbrella in the same way </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">ever again after </span><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre-wrap;">that. But the way I moved on was to move on and let go.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre-wrap;"> I still keep in touch and believe in causes, but I am careful to recognize</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre-wrap;"> the potential of any communities who are caught up in the Drama triangle. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre-wrap;"> Once you recognize it, you can see it everywhere. You can never be</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre-wrap;"> immune to any drama, but you can deflect it by not retaliating, not doing</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre-wrap;"> the knee jerk reaction, not Tweeting your first response. I can’t even get</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre-wrap;"> too involved on Twitter because it has too much Karpmann Drama on it. </span></div>
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marginalutilityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12269408950348611307noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1891119840596206906.post-1053615822507396862019-02-06T05:40:00.000-08:002019-02-06T05:40:47.098-08:00Sex, Drugs and STDs<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;">3 weeks ago “Surviving R Kelly” came out revealing</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;"> what many people have known for years: R Kelly</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;"> is a serial abuser and child molestor. I could put</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;"> “alleged” but if we put that in front of his allegations,</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;"> it means that we have to go with the criminal prosecution</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;"> route of guilty until charged. I think with social media</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;"> movements and women being fearless enough to go on</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;"> mic and camera to make their experiences real, we are</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;"> going to see more of #muteRKelly having an effect that the</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;"> criminal justice system seems to not have. R Kelly’s lawyer</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;"> is doing interviews telling the media “there is no crime” and</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;"> that it’s just “she said versus he said” stories. His lawyer is</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;"> a slimebag. Not anymore than the slimebag that he is the</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;"> mouthpiece for by no obvious means. I don’t agree that we</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;"> should take a victim or survivor’s story at face value either</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;"> because PTSD can make you do crazy things. It can feel</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;"> like a temporary insanity if you aren’t able to manage it well</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;"> and many people can’t . I don’t know if “These women are</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;"> just looking for 15 minutes of fame” he says, as if speaking</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;"> your survivor story, despite the fact that it might get you on</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;"> a grammy award stage with Lady Gaga playing a white piano,</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;"> i don’t think any survivor actually thinks of themselves as famous</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;"> for speaking out. Lady Gaga herself is an interesting example</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;"> of how survivors can flip flop their perspectives from the</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;"> seemingly willing to the seemingly against. People change in</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;"> the public eye, especially performers and entertainers. First</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;"> Gaga </span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre-wrap;">is dancing with R.Kelly singing “do what you want with </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre-wrap;">my body” and </span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre-wrap;">then she realizes that she has to speak out</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre-wrap;"> against his violence and </span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre-wrap;">mute him with the rest of the</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre-wrap;"> movement. How could this be? As </span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre-wrap;">a survivor, I can totally </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre-wrap;">understand the flip flop. But that’s what </span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre-wrap;">being famous looks like, </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre-wrap;">not telling your sexual or physical abuse </span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre-wrap;">story on TV. I’ve told </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre-wrap;">my story many times on documentaries and </span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre-wrap;">news and people</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre-wrap;">actually just see you as a random face, not a</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;"> celebrity. Sometimes they even see as a tramp, a liar, a gold</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;"> digger or whatever worse name they can muster. I doubt they</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;"> even recognize you unless the person who calls you out the</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;"> street is some kind of stalker anyway. “Hey, hey, I saw you on</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;"> the stage in the background for 3 seconds in that song with</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;"> Lady </span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre-wrap;">Gaga.” I think the most courageous survivor story, that</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre-wrap;"> most </span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre-wrap;">people will remember however, a real celebrity in my</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre-wrap;"> opinion </span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre-wrap;">far more memorable than Gaga is Christine Blasey</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre-wrap;"> Ford. </span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre-wrap;"> It’s funny how the R Kelly scandal has so much of the</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre-wrap;"> same </span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre-wrap;">language that is used against sex workers. “Sex, girls</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre-wrap;"> and </span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre-wrap;">STDs” one of these videos says purporting that giving the</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;"> women he’s had relationships with herpes is part of the crime</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;"> that makes his physical abuse even more egregious. It’s not</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;"> helpful that this preposterous propaganda about herpes is</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;"> being spread at the sake of “saving victims” </span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;">“R Kelly is a pimp, but his only client is himself.” says the</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;"> father of Joycelyn Savage, who left her college dorm room</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;"> clean and moved into the harem of R.Kelly. She was 19 when </span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;">she left and she is 22 now appearing on TMZ as “fine and not</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;"> abused.” It’s a lot like an episode of Atlanta housewives, the</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;"> mother is throwing up in the toilet and hysterical in the BBC</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;"> interviews, and the parents are on countless talk shows</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;"> chronicling their search for their daughter who is being locked</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;"> up R.Kelly’s house. Everyone seems to be stuck in Karpmans</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;"> victim triangle. R.Kelly is the persecutor, the former </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;">girlfriends/wives and the parents of the ones currently in</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;"> relationship with Kelly are the rescuers for the victims who</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;"> are in the house of abuse of R.Kelly and its indeed made a </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;">made </span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre-wrap;">for TV screen drama. </span></div>
marginalutilityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12269408950348611307noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1891119840596206906.post-65194876886873673662019-01-06T07:31:00.002-08:002019-01-06T07:53:14.516-08:00Drugs, Netflix and Chill<span id="docs-internal-guid-758fe27d-7fff-6bdf-42e5-5964536c076d" style="font-size: x-small;"></span><br />
<a name='more'></a><span style="font-size: x-small;"><br /></span><br />
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<a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-t_SaTToQ0hc/XDIfNJNuAGI/AAAAAAAADh4/SmRU7FpWUt4JUYywvmPoJ_oEIIcq7-OjQCLcBGAs/s1600/002.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><img border="0" data-original-height="800" data-original-width="1200" height="213" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-t_SaTToQ0hc/XDIfNJNuAGI/AAAAAAAADh4/SmRU7FpWUt4JUYywvmPoJ_oEIIcq7-OjQCLcBGAs/s320/002.jpg" width="320" /></span></a></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: x-small; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">I woke up today in the arms of someone that I managed to be lovers with twice</span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">in one week. </span><span style="font-family: arial; white-space: pre;">I think the cuddling and waking up with someone is more important</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: arial; white-space: pre;">to me these days than </span><span style="font-family: arial; white-space: pre;">orgasm or sex. Before I met him, I had waited 4 months</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: arial; white-space: pre;">to have intercourse with someone </span><span style="font-family: arial; white-space: pre;">because I wanted to hold out for someone who</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: arial; white-space: pre;">would see and respect me. I’d been on dating </span><span style="font-family: arial; white-space: pre;">apps trying to date guys but I swear</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: arial; white-space: pre;">hooking up to most guys these days seems to look like </span><span style="font-family: arial; white-space: pre;">them stabbing someone with</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: arial; white-space: pre;">their cyber penis and hoping that sex happens. </span><span style="font-family: arial; white-space: pre;">They’d been so disrespectful and blunt</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: arial; white-space: pre;">with their “Let’s fuck” messages when I was just </span><span style="font-family: arial; white-space: pre;">trying to establish trust or start a normal</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: arial; white-space: pre;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"> conversation and it would happen so often it was</span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: x-small; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">feeling worse than when I was answering my phone as an escort. </span><br />
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: x-small; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;"> Since prostitution laws prohibit explicit talk about sex I would cut anyone off who</span><br />
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: x-small; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;"> mentioned any sex acts or explicit things immediately as high risk so, even as a whore</span><br />
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: x-small; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;"> I wasn’t allowing that kind of man in my field. I have been watching a series of drug movies</span><br />
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: x-small; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;"> and shows lately including one with him on the first night we were together on New Years Eve</span><br />
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: x-small; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;"> which really made my night perfect: cuddling, cocaine, weed, sex, orgasm, and a streaming</span><br />
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: x-small; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;"> film about Oiran, the Japanese courtesans, who were really highly decorated women who </span><br />
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: x-small; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">were culturally accepted trafficked sex slaves. The later I actually hate saying because of how much</span><br />
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: x-small; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">the anti-sex work movement uses the set phrase in their arguments against legal and volitional sex</span><br />
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: x-small; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;"> workers on the internet (RIP Backpage and Craigslist), but part of the work I’m doing now</span><br />
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: x-small; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;"> is to truthfully identified trafficking when it really is trafficking. Oiran were not allowed to</span><br />
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: x-small; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;"> leave gated premises, weren’t paid for the sex they did and were sold into the life as children</span><br />
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: x-small; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;"> from poor parents. They didn’t seem to live their lives as victims it seemed, saw their work</span><br />
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: x-small; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;"> as a something of a spiritual duty and today its accepted as part of the Japanese “rich” cultural</span><br />
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: x-small; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;"> history along with their samurai clients. I’m fascinated with the Oiran culture and have done</span><br />
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: x-small; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;"> recent artwork dressing up in their head dresses and kimonos, which is actually something</span><br />
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: x-small; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;"> of a fashion trend these days with lots of photo studios around town offering the “Oiran</span><br />
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: x-small; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;"> experience” photoshoot with the unmentioned ill truth being covered up with make up and</span><br />
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: x-small; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;"> glamorous beauty. My eyes were glued to movie as we did lines on New Years Eve and</span><br />
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: x-small; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">I couldn’t have had a more wonderful end of 2018 and start of 2019. Hadn’t done coke</span><br />
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: x-small; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;"> in a year nor had sex in 4 months, this was a celebration in itself. This guy was 20 years</span><br />
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: x-small; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;"> younger than me but he was super sweet and gentlemanly and that’s pretty much what</span><br />
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: x-small; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;"> hooked me. He was only 25 which is almost 20 years younger than me but he had a good</span><br />
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: x-small; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;"> offer and seemed sweet enough for me to go for. Shoot, I called him twice in once week</span><br />
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: x-small; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;"> and I guess I like him now. Japanese guys don’t usually start conversations, buy drinks,</span><br />
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: x-small; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;"> hold open doors, have their own plans for dates or much else for me, so i often go out alone</span><br />
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: x-small; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;"> and expect to go home alone in Tokyo. Or else it was his initial pick up line of</span><br />
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: x-small; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;"> “Do you like marijuana?” which honestly is a terrible pick up line, but it is rare for men</span><br />
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: x-small; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;"> to approach me in Japan and, well, I love marijuana, so it’s maybe not the worst line to</span><br />
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: x-small; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;"> start a conversation on the right foot with me. Weed like most drugs and drug users</span><br />
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: x-small; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;"> who are open about what they do is rare to find, even in Tokyo, even though, I can go</span><br />
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: x-small; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;"> to an all night club and spot the users and what they’re using on the dance floor pretty easily. </span><br />
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: x-small; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;"> He got me also because he offered to buy me coke for the night, the club that I had randomly</span><br />
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: x-small; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;"> picked to dance at had music I didn’t really like so hey, once I stayed at this party for only</span><br />
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: x-small; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;"> a couple hours, we left together and headed to Roppongi, the area that hosts all the</span><br />
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: x-small; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">Africans that sell drugs in Tokyo. Random stop and frisks happen all the time to</span><br />
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: x-small; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;"> foreigners in Tokyo, but it apparently doesn’t happen to girls or Japanese looking guys,</span><br />
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: x-small; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;"> but it can happen once a week to non Japanese looking guys unfortunately. The</span><br />
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: x-small; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;"> searches are actually not legal without a warrant but most foreigners don’t bother</span><br />
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: x-small; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;"> to know or assert their rights. We went up to an African bar and bought a gram and</span><br />
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: x-small; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;"> I put it in my glasses case for safety. I haven’t done coke in a year, but something</span><br />
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: x-small; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;"> strange never fails to happen to my brain when the thought of doing cocaine enters it. </span><br />
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: x-small; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;"> I have to take a cleansing shit right away! This used to happen to me when I was a late</span><br />
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: x-small; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;"> night escort and it amazes me that it still happened recently. I hurried to the bathroom</span><br />
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: x-small; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;"> at the African bar but it was crazy dirty to sit on the pot and so we went to another onein the</span><br />
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: x-small; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;"> train station. He asked me if I did our stash that I was holding in the bathroom, but I’m actually</span><br />
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: x-small; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;"> not shady like that, I was too busy emptying out my bowels for the chemicals</span><br />
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: x-small; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;"> that we were about to injest. Later in the night, he ended up doing the majority</span><br />
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: x-small; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">of the bag because I actually do coke kind of slowly and pace myself instead of go crazy,</span><br />
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: x-small; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;"> and especially since it had been a while, I was on the snort and wait program for sure. </span><br />
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: x-small; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;"> I was fine with what we did but I guess I could have stood to be a little higher as sex</span><br />
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: x-small; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;"> and coke are really one of the best things since root beer and ice cream and it brings</span><br />
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: x-small; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;"> out a side of me that nothing else can. In my escort drug doing days there was at</span><br />
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: x-small; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;"> least 3 grams to share with clients so, I could go slowly and still have a lot just for</span><br />
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: x-small; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;"> me to do to my heartbeat’s maxed out content. Then it would be xanax and sleep time.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: x-small; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;"> We watched “Wolves of Wall Street” with Leonardo Di Caprio which was a hilarious</span><br />
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: x-small; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;"> drug movie. Those kinds of guys were my clients too, rich on stock money and</span><br />
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: x-small; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;"> whacked out to a drooling mess, the character in the film also did a body cleansing</span><br />
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: x-small; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;"> ritual before he did his drugs, except his was self induced. My instantaneous #2 attack</span><br />
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: x-small; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;"> that comes on when I know I am going to do coke is not voluntary, but equally as funny. </span><br />
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: x-small; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;"> The second time, this morning that we got together there were no drugs involved, just</span><br />
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: x-small; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;"> Netflix and chilling at my house. I have even run out of weed, which is a damn damn</span><br />
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: x-small; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;"> shame because life had really been great in Japan for the last two months because I was</span><br />
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: x-small; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;"> able to be stoned everyday. I had had a big client in December so I could afford the</span><br />
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: x-small; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;"> ridiculously high prices of weed that they charge for the felony risk that marijuana brings. </span><br />
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: x-small; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;"> At $80 and eighth it can be hard to do on a teacher’s income, therefore it can only be done</span><br />
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: x-small; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;"> when I have big clients in my other profession. I’m rewatching Breaking Bad again and I</span><br />
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: x-small; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;"> am finding it just as addicting as it was the first time that I watched it years ago. I have</span><br />
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: x-small; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;"> other shit to do and I find a way to watch just one more episode! It’s crazy. It is a brilliant</span><br />
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: x-small; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;"> show though, which is probably why. Meth and coke are similar substances but the resulting</span><br />
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: x-small; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;"> high is so so different. This 25 year old works in the cabaret/sex industry and I’ve had a hard</span><br />
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: x-small; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;"> time getting back in here in Japan, because I’m “old” and “fat” compared to most of</span><br />
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: x-small; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;"> the women here. He recruits for clubs so I’m hoping he can get me a job. People meet</span><br />
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: x-small; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;"> in strange ways sometimes and they get along because the mutual benefits that they</span><br />
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: x-small; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;"> can exchange. It would be really nice to make lots of money so I could pay for my return</span><br />
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: x-small; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;"> move to America in May and be in Hawaii for my birthday. Just like I didn’t know if</span><br />
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: x-small; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;"> our 2nd date would happen, but it did, only time will tell. </span></div>
marginalutilityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12269408950348611307noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1891119840596206906.post-65280189737220100532019-01-01T18:36:00.003-08:002019-01-01T18:56:55.669-08:00Self Medicating Trauma<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">Self Medicating Trauma</span></div>
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<b id="docs-internal-guid-22dee2dc-7fff-c99a-22e5-271fca2292d8" style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">The day I decided to quit my job at the restaurant was</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;"> the second day that I was awake tossing and turning. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">When I drink a lot I pass out but then after the initial inebriation</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;"> settles into my body I wake up at 2 or 4 or 6am feeling a</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;"> very certain kind of shitty. This certainty about the certain</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;"> shitty comes from my body's familiarity with self medicating</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;"> trauma. I'd gotten a job working as a general kitchen/server</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;"> staff at this restaurant in Tokyo just 2.5 months ago to </span><br />
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">strengthen</span><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;"> my Japanese fluency. The work was not only</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;"> physically </span><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;">demanding but also mentally challenging for me </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;">to work in </span><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;">my still developing second language AND deal </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;">with the I'll treatment </span><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;">of all the managers around me. At first, </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;">when times were hard I </span><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;">was being scolded constantly for </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;">doing things wrong, and not </span><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;">remembering where things went I </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;">absorbed all criticism. It was my </span><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;">fault, my Japanese was</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;">shitty, </span><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;">I was not accustomed to Japanese </span><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;">work culture, </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;">I wasn't good </span><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;">with authority, it was certainly my </span><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;">incompetence</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;">that was </span><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;">causing them all to be so upset, irritated, rude </span><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;">and</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;">unhappy </span><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;">whenever I was trying my hardest to do my job. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;">'</span><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;">But, I soon </span><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;">came to realize that I was indeed being treated </span><br />
<span style="font-family: arial; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;">unfairly and </span><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;">that this was just a low paid part time job that did</span><br />
<span style="font-family: arial; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;"> not deserve </span><span style="color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">so much sacrifice </span><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;">of my mental health, brain </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;">strain and </span><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;">hard labor. </span><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;">My bosses hardly said </span><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;">hello or goodbye </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;">or thank you </span><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;">to me and this alone contributed to the </span><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;">eventual</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;">feeling that I </span><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;">was being punished for choosing to work there. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;">When someone </span><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;">looks at you with disgust on a constant basis, </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;">when </span><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;">someone </span><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;">slams their hand on the counter and yells at you</span><br />
<span style="font-family: arial; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;">to move faster, </span><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;">when management thinks it's okay to scold you </span><br />
<span style="font-family: arial; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;">every shift in </span><span style="color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">addition</span><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;"> to reducing your hours to barely making</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;">the job worth </span><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;">your time, it is</span><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;"> known as something called</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;"> 'Power Harassment’</span><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;"> in Japan. In America, </span><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;">it's called </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;">“workplace abuse/bullying” </span><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;">and it happens frequent enough but</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;"> in </span><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;">Japan the hierarchical </span><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;">social structure and the people's </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;">intolerance to </span><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;">immigrants paves </span><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;">a clear path to be able to silently</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;"> abuse workers who </span><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;">aren't outspoken </span><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;">or who for whatever reason</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;">depend on the abusive job </span><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;">for survival </span><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;">and are afraid to speak up</span><br />
<span style="font-family: arial; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;">about working conditions. </span><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;">My case for neither of these descriptions. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: arial; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;">In my case, I am </span><span style="color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">a survivor </span><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;">of an abusive romantic relationship, </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;">various sexual </span><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;">assaults and </span><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;">workplace violence as an independent </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;">sex worker </span><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;">and abuse as an </span><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;">employed sex worker from co-workers</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;">and </span><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;">management. </span><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;">Violence while doing sex work is not the </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;">same as </span><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;">abuse </span><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;">from co-workers as a sex work employee and in </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;">the many </span><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;">many years of working in escort agencies, brothels and </span><br />
<span style="font-family: arial; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;">strip clubs </span><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;">I'd experienced many forms of it. It wasn't actually until </span><br />
<span style="font-family: arial; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;">I just wrote </span><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;">this blog that it all came back to the forefront of my </span><br />
<span style="font-family: arial; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;">current </span><span style="color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">existence </span><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;">just how much bullshit I have survived. While</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;">it was </span><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;">happening at</span><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;"> the restaurant I thought it was residual </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;">relationship </span><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;">violence because </span><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;">I once got scolded for drying the</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;">wine </span><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;">glasses </span><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;">facing down not up and </span><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;">the boss on shift was </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;">acting </span><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;">like a boyfriend </span><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;">who wanted to slap me or </span><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;">break a glass </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;">for </span><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;">intimidation sake because</span><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;"> I dared to forget what he'd told </span><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;">me one</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;"> week ago the last time I was at </span><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;">work. “Didn't I tell you this </span><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;">already?</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;"> Don't you understand when </span><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;">I tell you things?” he chided, </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;">waiting for a </span><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;">submissive affirmation and </span><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;">ending shaking his </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;">head and telling me how</span><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;"> I never listen. I end my </span><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;">shift during the </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;">daytime around 3pm and head </span><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;">straight to the </span><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;">convenience store</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;">to get </span><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;">two bottles of whatever would take </span><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;">the pain from</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;">that day away. “Hello, PTSD my old friend…” a modified </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">version of the Simon and Garfunkel will tune my body for the</span><br />
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">next 24 hours. </span><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;">Self medicating trauma comes to me as </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;">instinctual as </span><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;">taking a bath for </span><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;">muscle pain. I allow it because</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;"> I know myself well </span><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;">enough </span><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;">to know it is not </span><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;">a gateway to addiction, </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;">it's a gateway to </span><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;">strong action away</span><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;">from having to </span><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;">self medicate in </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;">the first place. </span><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;">When I was a late night escort, </span><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;">independent </span><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;">or otherwise</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;"> however </span><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;">I do remember quitting not being as </span><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;">attractive an option </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;">as self </span><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;">medicating to endure a situation that I felt was out </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;">of my control. But this</span><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;">part time restaurant job was a decade later </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;">in a </span><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;">different part of the world but still </span><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;">with the same body that</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;"> holds the same </span><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;">trauma. When self medicating with </span><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;">substances I </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;">drink or drug until I feel </span><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;">some distance from the situation at hand. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;">And through this haze and </span><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;">numbness, I actually get strength and </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;">clarity. </span><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;">Strange, right? I've since quit </span><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;">the job, filed a complaint and</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;"> type this with</span><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;"> totally </span><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;">satisfied with how far I've </span><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;">come from any kind of </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;">abuse or violence, </span><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;">embracing </span><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;">my imperfections and </span><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;">shortcomings</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;">gently, reflecting sober </span><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;">after the unsober and </span><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;">grateful that I've at least</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;">always had the ability </span><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;">to not make the substances </span><span style="color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">add </span><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;">and multiply</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;">the original situation </span><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;">like many who can't control what</span><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;"> happens after </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;">the uncontrollable </span><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;">grasp and pull towards the medicine. </span></div>
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marginalutilityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12269408950348611307noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1891119840596206906.post-43902825507296055202018-10-10T08:20:00.003-07:002018-10-10T08:20:54.545-07:00Pain Management in Japan<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.536; margin-bottom: 8pt; margin-right: 7pt; margin-top: 8pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #444950; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 9pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">I’m talking with Bobby, a fellow American who suffers from chronic pain</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #444950; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 9pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;"> which seems to be the side effect of a vaccine.That same vaccine was</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #444950; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 9pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;"> once MANDATORY for all new immigrants into the U.S but has since</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #444950; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 9pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;"> been removed. If you experience side effects from a vaccine </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #444950; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 9pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">administered in the U.S., you can file a legal claim with the VICP, </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #444950; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 9pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">and they will pay all of your legal fees whether you win or lose the case. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 10pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">Common side effects of the vaccine he took include </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 10pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">injection</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 10pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">site reactions</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 10pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;"> (</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 10pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">pain</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 10pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">, </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 10pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">swelling</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 10pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">,</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 10pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">redness</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 10pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">, </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 10pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">bruising</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 10pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">, or </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 10pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">itching</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 10pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">),</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 10pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;"> </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 10pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">fever</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 10pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">, </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 10pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">headache</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 10pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">, </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 10pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">dizziness</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 10pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">, </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 10pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">tiredness</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 10pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">, </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 10pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">nausea</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 10pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">,</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 10pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">vomiting</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 10pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">, </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 10pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">diarrhea</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 10pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">,</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 10pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;"> sleep problems (insomnia), </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 10pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">runny</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 10pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;"> or stuffy nose, </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 10pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">sore throat</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 10pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">,</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 10pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">cough</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 10pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">, </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 10pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">tooth pain</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 10pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">, or joint or </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 10pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">muscle pain</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 10pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">. He has been diagnosed with </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 10pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">arthritis throughout his entire body and he is not even 35 years old. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 10pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">We are both currently living in Japan and discussing pain management. </span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.536; margin-bottom: 8pt; margin-right: 7pt; margin-top: 8pt;">
<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 10pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">He takes Percocet in the U.S and has brought a supply to Japan with him.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.536; margin-bottom: 8pt; margin-right: 7pt; margin-top: 8pt;">
<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 10pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;"> (He doesn’t live in Japan, only a few months at a time, so he can bring</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.536; margin-bottom: 8pt; margin-right: 7pt; margin-top: 8pt;">
<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 10pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;"> enough to take before he goes back to get refills for a few months.) </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: magenta; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 10pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">Have you tried Kratom or CBDs for your pain? It seems like it</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.536; margin-bottom: 8pt; margin-right: 7pt; margin-top: 8pt;">
<span style="background-color: white; color: magenta; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 10pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;"> might be a good fit for you.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #444950; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 9pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">I tried it in the U.S</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #444950; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 9pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">I couldn’t tell if it did much</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.536; margin-bottom: 8pt; margin-left: 12pt; margin-right: 7pt; margin-top: 8pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #444950; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 9pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">But it’s in the opiate family</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.536; margin-bottom: 8pt; margin-left: 12pt; margin-right: 7pt; margin-top: 8pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #444950; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 9pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">So I didn’t want to take it and my Percocet, and when I tried to take</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.536; margin-bottom: 8pt; margin-left: 12pt; margin-right: 7pt; margin-top: 8pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #444950; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 9pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;"> it instead of my Percocet it wasn’t enough</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.536; margin-bottom: 8pt; margin-left: 12pt; margin-right: 7pt; margin-top: 8pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #444950; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 9pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">You’ve also got to take tons of it as powder to get it to be effective</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.536; margin-bottom: 8pt; margin-left: 12pt; margin-right: 7pt; margin-top: 8pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #444950; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 9pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">My friend tried it too as a stimulant</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.536; margin-bottom: 8pt; margin-left: 12pt; margin-right: 7pt; margin-top: 8pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #444950; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 9pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">She was throwing up it was terrible - she started throwing up and she</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.536; margin-bottom: 8pt; margin-left: 12pt; margin-right: 7pt; margin-top: 8pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #444950; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 9pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;"> tried to keep taking it but finally as she threw up repetitively she had to stop</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.536; margin-bottom: 8pt; margin-left: 12pt; margin-right: 7pt; margin-top: 8pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #444950; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 9pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">I think I talked to my pain doc about it and they said it’s basically just a different opiate</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #444950; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 9pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">So...</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.536; margin-bottom: 8pt; margin-left: 12pt; margin-right: 7pt; margin-top: 8pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #444950; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 9pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">I prefer to have my opiate use managed by a health professional</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.536; margin-bottom: 8pt; margin-left: 12pt; margin-right: 7pt; margin-top: 8pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #444950; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 9pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">I also tried cbd and thc but by myself I couldn’t get it to touch my pain, but I did </span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.536; margin-bottom: 8pt; margin-left: 12pt; margin-right: 7pt; margin-top: 8pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #444950; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 9pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">find a doc who can oversee it, so now that my legal case has concluded when I </span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.536; margin-bottom: 8pt; margin-left: 12pt; margin-right: 7pt; margin-top: 8pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #444950; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 9pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">get back to the US I will be looking into it more.</span></div>
<b id="docs-internal-guid-9f44c2d0-7fff-6f0d-672b-f79f5595695e" style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.536; margin-bottom: 8pt; margin-right: 7pt; margin-top: 8pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: magenta; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 9pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">I agree that when I have certain types of physical pain, THC doesn’t do much except</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.536; margin-bottom: 8pt; margin-right: 7pt; margin-top: 8pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: magenta; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 9pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;"> deal with the symptoms in your head that you have outside of the actual acute pain </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: magenta; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 9pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;"> (such as anxiety/depression/mood elevation), but I think when you have intense</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.536; margin-bottom: 8pt; margin-right: 7pt; margin-top: 8pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: magenta; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 9pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;"> physical pain you really know when you need something stronger. </span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.536; margin-bottom: 8pt; margin-right: 7pt; margin-top: 8pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #444950; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 9pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">I’m mostly worried about my doctor and my future ability to get opiates here</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.536; margin-bottom: 8pt; margin-left: 12pt; margin-right: 7pt; margin-top: 8pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #444950; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 9pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">If I lose that chance it’ll dramatically shorten the time I can stay in japan since</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.536; margin-bottom: 8pt; margin-left: 12pt; margin-right: 7pt; margin-top: 8pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #444950; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 9pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;"> my doctor in the us can’t give me too long of a supply because of the war on</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.536; margin-bottom: 8pt; margin-left: 12pt; margin-right: 7pt; margin-top: 8pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #444950; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 9pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;"> opiates in the U.S. I’m fucked from both sides but unfortunately not in a </span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.536; margin-bottom: 8pt; margin-left: 12pt; margin-right: 7pt; margin-top: 8pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #444950; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 9pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">pleasant way lol</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.536; margin-bottom: 8pt; margin-left: 12pt; margin-right: 7pt; margin-top: 8pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #444950; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 10pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">I tried Mdma for my arthritis</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.536; margin-bottom: 8pt; margin-left: 12pt; margin-right: 7pt; margin-top: 8pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #444950; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 9pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">It helped but then when the effect wore off my body crashed - it helped not</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.536; margin-bottom: 8pt; margin-left: 12pt; margin-right: 7pt; margin-top: 8pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #444950; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 9pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;"> just as a wonderful high, but because it knocks down your immune system </span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.536; margin-bottom: 8pt; margin-left: 12pt; margin-right: 7pt; margin-top: 8pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #444950; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 9pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">for a while. I could take it but I’ll feel terrible for two days after, and then I’ll </span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.536; margin-bottom: 8pt; margin-left: 12pt; margin-right: 7pt; margin-top: 8pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #444950; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 9pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">feel a little better for a little while, and then worse...</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.536; margin-bottom: 8pt; margin-left: 6pt; margin-right: 7pt; margin-top: 8pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: magenta; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 9pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">I didn't like Percocet actually, or I probably would have asked you for one, he he, </span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.536; margin-bottom: 8pt; margin-left: 6pt; margin-right: 7pt; margin-top: 8pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: magenta; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 9pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">but that would be kind of cruel since you need them and I don’t, but i’m sure I </span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.536; margin-bottom: 8pt; margin-left: 6pt; margin-right: 7pt; margin-top: 8pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: magenta; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 9pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">would have asked anyway being who I am and that drugs in Japan are so hard</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.536; margin-bottom: 8pt; margin-left: 6pt; margin-right: 7pt; margin-top: 8pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: magenta; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 9pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;"> to come by.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.536; margin-bottom: 8pt; margin-right: 7pt; margin-top: 8pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #444950; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 9pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">Why don’t u like Percocet? When and how long did u take it? In the US I don’t know </span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.536; margin-bottom: 8pt; margin-right: 7pt; margin-top: 8pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #444950; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 9pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">that kratom would be very useful for me because it would be like I had to pay for my</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.536; margin-bottom: 8pt; margin-right: 7pt; margin-top: 8pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #444950; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 9pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;"> opiate prescription out of pocket, </span><span style="color: #444950; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 9pt; white-space: pre-wrap;">Kratom isn’t a metaphorical opiate it’s an actual opiate.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.536; margin-bottom: 8pt; margin-left: 6pt; margin-right: 7pt; margin-top: 8pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: magenta; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 9pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">I tried percs for recreational use only, Also oxy made me hug a toilet after getting really</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.536; margin-bottom: 8pt; margin-left: 6pt; margin-right: 7pt; margin-top: 8pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: magenta; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 9pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;"> short of breath and dizzy.. I take one pill like someone takes MDMA or ecstasy.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.536; margin-bottom: 8pt; margin-left: 6pt; margin-right: 7pt; margin-top: 8pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: magenta; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 9pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;"> I’m not prone to addiction because I’m not attracted to super addictive substances</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.536; margin-bottom: 8pt; margin-left: 6pt; margin-right: 7pt; margin-top: 8pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: magenta; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 9pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;"> and when I do them, I seem to be able to stop myself when I start feeling shitty instead </span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.536; margin-bottom: 8pt; margin-left: 6pt; margin-right: 7pt; margin-top: 8pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: magenta; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 9pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">of seek out more. I do like Valium, though. </span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.536; margin-bottom: 8pt; margin-left: 6pt; margin-right: 7pt; margin-top: 8pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #444950; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 9pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">Yes it did the same for me for almost a year</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.536; margin-bottom: 8pt; margin-left: 12pt; margin-right: 7pt; margin-top: 8pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #444950; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 9pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">I had to take an anti nausea medicine</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.536; margin-bottom: 8pt; margin-left: 12pt; margin-right: 7pt; margin-top: 8pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #444950; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 9pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">But now I think my tolerance is high enough or something that it’s basically like</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.536; margin-bottom: 8pt; margin-left: 12pt; margin-right: 7pt; margin-top: 8pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #444950; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 9pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;"> taking Tylenol for me or something</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.536; margin-bottom: 8pt; margin-left: 12pt; margin-right: 7pt; margin-top: 8pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #444950; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 9pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">The mental effect is super subtle but the effect on my pain is very significant</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.536; margin-bottom: 8pt; margin-right: 7pt; margin-top: 8pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #444950; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 9pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">Do u know what I think is the most interesting part of opiates? It makes it hard for me to cum</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.536; margin-bottom: 8pt; margin-right: 7pt; margin-top: 8pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #444950; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 9pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">mdma too, its impossible for me to cum, feels great but no possible orgasm</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.536; margin-bottom: 8pt; margin-left: 12pt; margin-right: 7pt; margin-top: 8pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #444950; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 9pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">you know its great that your friend is distilling the kratom, because it's super hard to take as a powder</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.536; margin-bottom: 8pt; margin-left: 12pt; margin-right: 7pt; margin-top: 8pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #444950; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 9pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">i talked to my pain doctor yesterday so she could help me understand the differences </span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.536; margin-bottom: 8pt; margin-left: 12pt; margin-right: 7pt; margin-top: 8pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #444950; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 9pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">between percocet and oxycotin, because its oxycotin that i was able to get in japan - i might </span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.536; margin-bottom: 8pt; margin-left: 12pt; margin-right: 7pt; margin-top: 8pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #444950; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 9pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">be able to get normal oxycodone but they may have to order it or something special - complicated - </span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.536; margin-bottom: 8pt; margin-left: 12pt; margin-right: 7pt; margin-top: 8pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #444950; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 9pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">they work very differently because oxycotin is extended release - so i'm very worried that I </span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.536; margin-bottom: 8pt; margin-left: 12pt; margin-right: 7pt; margin-top: 8pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #444950; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 9pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">won't be able to get to the right dose, but we will see how it goes.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.536; margin-bottom: 8pt; margin-right: 7pt; margin-top: 8pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: magenta; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 9pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">Japan has social insurance for residents and legal visa holders, but you are a tourist, so </span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.536; margin-bottom: 8pt; margin-right: 7pt; margin-top: 8pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: magenta; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 9pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">it must cost you a fortune.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.536; margin-bottom: 8pt; margin-right: 7pt; margin-top: 8pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #444950; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 9pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">it was $250 for two weeks, it was expensive. i had a prescription for a whole month but reduced </span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.536; margin-bottom: 8pt; margin-right: 7pt; margin-top: 8pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #444950; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 9pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">it to two weeks to make it more affordable, not a great situation for me, I may be in a lot of pain, </span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.536; margin-bottom: 8pt; margin-right: 7pt; margin-top: 8pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #444950; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 9pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">but I shouldn't experience withdrawal so that’s good</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.536; margin-bottom: 8pt; margin-left: 6pt; margin-right: 7pt; margin-top: 8pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: magenta; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 9pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">Does the fear of withdrawal plague you? It feels like a cold right?</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.536; margin-bottom: 8pt; margin-right: 7pt; margin-top: 8pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #444950; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 9pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">i think the withdrawal would be very severe, sometimes when i don't take my medicine for a </span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.536; margin-bottom: 8pt; margin-right: 7pt; margin-top: 8pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #444950; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 9pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">while, my entire legs, both of them, begin to ache, like a restless leg syndrome kind of thing</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.536; margin-bottom: 8pt; margin-left: 12pt; margin-right: 7pt; margin-top: 8pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #444950; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 9pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">i guess that would be a first sign - but i don't know much about the withdrawal, i don't really </span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.536; margin-bottom: 8pt; margin-left: 12pt; margin-right: 7pt; margin-top: 8pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #444950; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 9pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">t</span><span style="color: #444950; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 9pt; white-space: pre-wrap;">hink about it since i don't feel like I should be facing it anytime too soon</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.536; margin-bottom: 8pt; margin-left: 12pt; margin-right: 7pt; margin-top: 8pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #444950; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 9pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">i think if i want to stop taking it ill do a gradual ween off and try to avoid any real </span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.536; margin-bottom: 8pt; margin-left: 12pt; margin-right: 7pt; margin-top: 8pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #444950; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 9pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">withdrawal symptoms</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.536; margin-bottom: 8pt; margin-left: 12pt; margin-right: 7pt; margin-top: 8pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #444950; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 9pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">the biggest problem i believe would be dealing with the pain from my arthritis -</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.536; margin-bottom: 8pt; margin-left: 12pt; margin-right: 7pt; margin-top: 8pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #444950; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 9pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;"> i'm not worried about withdrawal, im worried about living with my pain with no relief at all..</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.536; margin-bottom: 8pt; margin-left: 12pt; margin-right: 7pt; margin-top: 8pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #444950; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 9pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;"> it never goes away, but at least i can somewhat function when I take enough medicine</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.536; margin-bottom: 8pt; margin-left: 12pt; margin-right: 7pt; margin-top: 8pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #444950; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 9pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">if i keep taking the pills - i still feel some pain, but even with flares all over i can walk around and</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.536; margin-bottom: 8pt; margin-left: 12pt; margin-right: 7pt; margin-top: 8pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #444950; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 9pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">still live a pretty good life.</span></div>
<br />marginalutilityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12269408950348611307noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1891119840596206906.post-52434714840936013672018-09-30T04:36:00.000-07:002018-09-30T04:36:49.603-07:00When I Was Dating an Addict<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;">When I was 22 I fell in love with a closet heroin addict. He would </span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;">come </span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre-wrap;">to my apartment on 19th and Mission street in San Francisco, </span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre-wrap;">the heart </span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre-wrap;">of the drug market of the city and be able to score any</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre-wrap;">drug that he wanted </span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre-wrap;">just a few blocks away on 16th. One time, </span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre-wrap;">he came back home with his shirt </span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre-wrap;">ripped up and he had fear in his</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre-wrap;">eyes when I met up with him. He played the </span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre-wrap;">victim and i played the</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre-wrap;">savior. He told me he was robbed and I believed him. </span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre-wrap;">I had no idea</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre-wrap;">that a drug sale was part of this robbery. He would fall asleep to</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;">me serenading Sarah Mclachlan “Angel” to him. </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;">“Spend all your</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;">time waiting, </span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: italic; white-space: pre-wrap;">for that second chance, for the break that would make</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: italic; white-space: pre-wrap;">it okay. There’s always </span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: italic; white-space: pre-wrap;">some reason, to feel not good enough, and</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: italic; white-space: pre-wrap;">it’s hard at the end of the day. I need </span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: italic; white-space: pre-wrap;">some distraction, oh a beautiful</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: italic; white-space: pre-wrap;">release, memory seep from my veins. Let me be </span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: italic; white-space: pre-wrap;">empty , oh yeah</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: italic; white-space: pre-wrap;">weightless yeah, maybe, find some peace tonight, In the arms of </span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;">an angel…” </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;">little did I know that his angel was heroin and not me, but,</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;">I was only 22 </span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre-wrap;">and I naturally gave men the benefit of the doubt. He</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre-wrap;">was the same age as me. I </span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre-wrap;">took things at surface value because</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre-wrap;">his heroin addiction was just one of the many </span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre-wrap;">issues that I had to </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre-wrap;">deal with, but now listening to this song, I wonder how I couldn’t </span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;">have known better. It takes experience I suppose to recognize addiction. </span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;">And now at </span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre-wrap;">42, I have all that and more experience, too much experience</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre-wrap;">and street smarts that </span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre-wrap;">perhaps I wish I didn’t need to have. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;"><br /></span></div>
<span id="docs-internal-guid-368ab28b-7fff-1ee3-5551-76cc6ec1c90d"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The man that I find myself dating now is sick often. He wakes up with</span></span><br />
<span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">pounding </span></span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">headaches and doesn’t want to go to the doctor. “</span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: italic; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">you're not a </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: italic; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">doctor, and you haven't </span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: italic; white-space: pre-wrap;">lived with this your whole life. It's not meant to</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: italic; white-space: pre-wrap;">be rude, but you've seen a small </span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: italic; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">sliver of this. Cluster headaches and</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: italic; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">migraines are a real thing”</span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> he says to me. </span><br />
<span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">And frequent diarrhea and stomach aches and paranoia and social anxiety.</span></span><br />
<span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">He can’t </span></span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre-wrap;">get through an entire movie without going to the bathroom feeling sick</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre-wrap;">twice during and </span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre-wrap;">he can’t get through hanging out in the park without the urgent</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre-wrap;">need to leave and go home </span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre-wrap;">to feel better. And, we aren’t sexually active. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre-wrap;">We’ve had sex once in 3 weeks. It’s early </span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre-wrap;">in the relationship, just a month</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre-wrap;">into a new thing that doesn’t have a lot of frequent contact </span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre-wrap;">so I feel like he is</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre-wrap;">reminiscent of other relations and other roads I’ve travelled before. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span>
<span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">It also reminds me of Walt Whitman’s character in Breaking Bad. </span></span><br />
<span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I almost stopped </span></span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre-wrap;">watching this show, 3 episodes in because his lies were</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre-wrap;">just triggering the shit out of me. </span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre-wrap;">I just could not empathize with his dying </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre-wrap;">of cancer ass regardless because the LIES </span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre-wrap;">just trump anything, even a life</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre-wrap;">or death matter. Any relationship built of trust is what </span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre-wrap;">makes people WANT</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre-wrap;">to be at your bedside when you are dying, EXCEPT IF you lie to</span><br />
<span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">their faces constantly, it changes the game entirely. Now, they feel like they</span></span><br />
<span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">have the right </span></span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre-wrap;">to SPIT ON YOUR FACE while you are dying and even feel</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre-wrap;">justified to steal the savings </span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre-wrap;">from your debit card while laughing because it</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre-wrap;">becomes a vengeance game. “I just want </span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre-wrap;">you to know that I am not naive </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre-wrap;">or stupid and I have worked with the stories of perhaps </span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre-wrap;">hundreds of men, </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre-wrap;">maybe thousands.” I told him. I have loads of experience “seeing”</span><br />
<span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">things that I wish I wouldn’t have seen in my life. “I know you aren’t.” he says,</span></span><br />
<span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">but </span></span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre-wrap;">I don’t think he know what I mean when I say these words. He told me </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre-wrap;">that he has </span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre-wrap;">never done drugs, and even asked me after I laid with him on a blanket </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre-wrap;">in the park </span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre-wrap;">kissing him after I did acid at a nightclub the night before. “Can you get</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre-wrap;">high from </span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre-wrap;">kissing someone on acid?” which i calmly responded, no. There is no</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre-wrap;">such thing as </span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre-wrap;">a contact high from LSD, unless it is directly contacting the liquid with</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre-wrap;">the drug in it. </span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre-wrap;">Certainly not 24 hours after the high had been processed through my</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre-wrap;">body through </span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre-wrap;">dancing, peeing and sleep. NO such record of contact LSD high from</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre-wrap;">kissing exists. </span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre-wrap;">“You can only get herpes from kissing,”I joked, knowing that I had</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre-wrap;">already disclosed </span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre-wrap;">my herpes status to him before and that I really didn’t worry </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre-wrap;">about the contagious </span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre-wrap;">nature of my HSV and neither did he because it had been</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre-wrap;">over 10 years since </span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre-wrap;">i had tested positive. I thought the question was incredibly </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre-wrap;">naive and even </span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre-wrap;">somewhat illogical for an intelligent person like him, however it </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre-wrap;">could stand to </span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre-wrap;">distract my suspicion that he could be addicted to any drugs </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre-wrap;">because of stated </span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre-wrap;">ignorance, but his symptoms certainly are reminiscent of </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre-wrap;">someone </span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre-wrap;">I knew before. . </span>marginalutilityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12269408950348611307noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1891119840596206906.post-73900360292579325832018-09-13T08:23:00.000-07:002018-09-13T08:23:16.842-07:00Who is the addict in the room?<div id="contentsContainer" style="-webkit-box-flex: 1; padding-left: 72pt; padding-right: 72pt;">
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<qowt-section id="E75" named-flow="FLOW-2" qowt-eid="E75" style="column-count: 1; display: block; position: relative; tab-size: 0.5in; z-index: 2;"><div class="qowt-stl-Free#space#Form" id="E98" is="qowt-word-para" qowt-eid="E98" qowt-entry="undefined" qowt-format="{"siz":14}" qowt-lvl="undefined" style="border-style: none; color: black; display: block; font-family: "Times New Roman", Tinos, "Baskerville Old Face", "Bell MT", serif; font-size: 10pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: 1.2; list-style-type: none; margin: 0px 0pt; padding: 0pt 0px; text-align: left; text-indent: 0pt;">
<span class="qowt-font6-Times" id="E99" is="qowt-word-run" qowt-eid="E99" style="display: inline; font-family: Times !important; font-size: 14pt; white-space: pre-wrap;">I want to go back to him again today but...Have you ever resisted a hot guy trying to have raw sex?? It's difficult and challenging to do ONCE! The thought of it makes me feel a pain in my abdomen. I wonder if there is a way to play with him again but safely. I doubt it. he is like the devil rearing his unprotected head into my vagina without a condom! Busting past my thin layer of resistance and covering myself with my dripping wet desire for his cock. </span></div>
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<div class="qowt-stl-Free#space#Form" id="E101" is="qowt-word-para" qowt-eid="E101" qowt-entry="undefined" qowt-format="{"siz":14}" qowt-lvl="undefined" style="border-style: none; color: black; display: block; font-family: "Times New Roman", Tinos, "Baskerville Old Face", "Bell MT", serif; font-size: 10pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; line-height: 1.2; list-style-type: none; margin: 0px 0pt; padding: 0pt 0px 16pt; text-align: left; text-indent: 0pt;">
<span class="qowt-font6-Times" id="E102" is="qowt-word-run" qowt-eid="E102" style="display: inline; font-family: Times !important; font-size: 14pt; white-space: pre-wrap;">a gorgeous abdomen was an understatement, i ran my hands across its seeming perfection. 6 pack and the pelvic arrow lines that point below the waist line to his cock...every 20 minutes he'd plunge a needle full of coke into the veins in his arms. I stared at his body while he talked to me about fighting as a bouncer, as a jiujitsu fighter...He was hoping i was a junkie and that I would try to mainline some coke with him (no way!), or fuck him w/o a condom (no way!) but i was donating my time to be with him really, to lay on his physique and try to unravel its story. he could be the hero in the new James Bond type flick...you would never know...i been with junkies who lost their top row of teeth entirely and whose faces looked like it was literally just skin and bones on a good day but this man was still beautiful and it fascinated me.</span></div>
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<span class="qowt-font6-Times" id="E104" is="qowt-word-run" qowt-eid="E104" style="display: inline; font-family: Times !important; font-size: 14pt; white-space: pre-wrap;">he paid me $75 and i stayed for THREE HOURS! (It</span><span class="qowt-font6-Times" id="E105" is="qowt-word-run" qowt-eid="E105" style="display: inline; font-family: Times !important; font-size: 14pt; white-space: pre-wrap;">’</span><span class="qowt-font6-Times" id="E106" is="qowt-word-run" named-flow="FLOW-62" qowt-eid="E106" style="display: inline; font-family: Times !important; font-size: 14pt; white-space: pre-wrap;">s usually $2-300/hr minimum) that's how hot he was. i had been sitting in my desk working on a grant app for the last 6 hours before that..I made him take off his shirt after the first hour. I ran my face along his stomach and licked that lovely crack of pelvis that I love on a fit, well chiseled man. I absolutely exploited his beauty in </span><span class="qowt-font6-Times" is="qowt-word-run" named-flow="FLOW-62" qowt-eid="E106" style="display: inline; font-family: Times !important; font-size: 14pt; text-indent: 0pt; white-space: pre-wrap;">exchange for my companionship. I couldn</span><span class="qowt-font6-Times" id="E107" is="qowt-word-run" qowt-eid="E107" style="display: inline; font-family: Times !important; font-size: 14pt; text-indent: 0pt; white-space: pre-wrap;">’</span><span class="qowt-font6-Times" id="E108" is="qowt-word-run" qowt-eid="E108" style="display: inline; font-family: Times !important; font-size: 14pt; text-indent: 0pt; white-space: pre-wrap;">t understand how he could look so great and do as many drugs as he did. All his stories about training in martial arts 8 hours a day reflected in his body. I felt as if I could get a </span><span class="qowt-font6-Times" id="E109" is="qowt-word-run" qowt-eid="E109" style="display: inline; font-family: Times !important; font-size: 14pt; font-style: italic; text-indent: 0pt; white-space: pre-wrap;">contact</span><span class="qowt-font6-Times" id="E110" is="qowt-word-run" qowt-eid="E110" style="display: inline; font-family: Times !important; font-size: 14pt; text-indent: 0pt; white-space: pre-wrap;"> high sometimes from IV drug users because the energy of that high is so strong. Twice I have laid with someone who has shot up something and felt a blissful aligning between our chakras that was just as deeply satisfying to me who wasn</span><span class="qowt-font6-Times" id="E111" is="qowt-word-run" qowt-eid="E111" style="display: inline; font-family: Times !important; font-size: 14pt; text-indent: 0pt; white-space: pre-wrap;">’</span><span class="qowt-font6-Times" id="E112" is="qowt-word-run" qowt-eid="E112" style="display: inline; font-family: Times !important; font-size: 14pt; text-indent: 0pt; white-space: pre-wrap;">t using as it was to them. They were getting high off the chemical, and I was getting high off of their chemicals. It helps me to remind myself that not ALL drug addicts are ugly people who have nothing to give in return to the world.</span></div>
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marginalutilityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12269408950348611307noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1891119840596206906.post-47804194752146066402018-09-07T06:31:00.000-07:002018-09-07T06:31:44.150-07:00Introduding Earth Kratom from Long Beach, California<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: "arial"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: magenta;">Today, I'm talking with Earth Heart Kratom, co-owner Brandon Bryant is a spirit technician who has a passion and expertise in plant medicines based in Long Beach, California.</span></span></div>
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<a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-glGX9uh89Ig/W5J1bwArsuI/AAAAAAAADc4/YzZjdVKMd9ApsjHfdVOU4wXY_fMk1GWhACLcBGAs/s1600/40922940_221286028745911_2547276396665765888_n.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="363" data-original-width="280" height="320" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-glGX9uh89Ig/W5J1bwArsuI/AAAAAAAADc4/YzZjdVKMd9ApsjHfdVOU4wXY_fMk1GWhACLcBGAs/s320/40922940_221286028745911_2547276396665765888_n.png" width="246" /></a></div>
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<b style="color: magenta; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre-wrap;">Brandon, Tell me about your new business.</b></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">I'm importing kratom concentrate. Mood </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">elevators</span><br />
<span style="font-weight: normal;">seem to be kind of hitting right now, </span><span style="font-weight: normal;">people are finding</span><br />
<span style="font-weight: normal;">that they are effective.</span><br />
<span style="font-weight: normal;">I already work </span>with other plant medicine<br />
modalities so this seems to be a natural<br />
expansion. Our source<br />
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">for it is from the Netherlands, </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">they do the </span>processing and concentration.<br />
The Kratom plant is usually from<br />
Indonesia, but the strain<br />
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">we sell is from Thailand. I put my order </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">in for </span>our<br />
first large shipments, I have the<br />
capsules and tools and hopeful to start sales in about a month. </div>
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<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b><div style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Kratom isn’t a session based medicine,</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">it isn’t a psychedelic, it’s sold like a Tylenol.</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">You can buy it in vape shops in California right now. </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">We want to sell it with online </span>marketing through our yet to be developed website; right now we are just selling it to<br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">people we know. I’ve bought a website. The plan is to import it, weigh it, and capsule it.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I can test for fentanyl and other research chemicals, so I make sure that none of that </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">is in there. </span></span></div>
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<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="font-size: 14.6667px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></span></b><span style="background-color: transparent; color: magenta; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><b>Ibogaine is a session facilitated plant medicine that has helped </b></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: magenta; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><b>many </b></span><br />
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: magenta; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><b>people get off of opiates, including Brandon himself. </b></span><br />
<b><span style="color: magenta; font-family: arial;"><span style="font-size: 14.6667px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><i><br /></i></span></span></b><span style="background-color: transparent; color: magenta; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><b>What is the big difference between Kratom and other </b></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: magenta; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><b>opiate</b></span><br />
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: magenta; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><b>kicking plant medicines?</b></span></div>
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<span style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: magenta; font-family: "arial";"><span style="font-size: 14.6667px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><b><br /></b></span></span></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">It is illegal to offer services with Ibogaine, so Brandon</span><br />
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">feels this fact, </span><span style="color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-weight: 400; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">plus </span><span style="color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-weight: 400; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">the ease of distribution are two</span><br />
<span style="color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-weight: 400; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">reasons to get into Kratom as a business.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">In a Scientific American article, someone had been </span><br />
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">using 10 ml of Dilaudid, </span><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: 11pt; font-weight: 400; white-space: pre;">a very strong opioid everyday. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: arial; font-size: 11pt; font-weight: 400; white-space: pre;">His wife found </span><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: 11pt; font-weight: 400; white-space: pre;">out he was injecting and so he </span><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: 11pt; font-weight: 400; white-space: pre;">started on</span><br />
<span style="font-family: arial; font-size: 11pt; font-weight: 400; white-space: pre;">Kratom </span><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: 11pt; font-weight: 400; white-space: pre;">and the story is that </span><br />
<span style="font-family: arial; font-size: 11pt; font-weight: 400; white-space: pre;">he never had any dope </span><span style="color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-weight: 400; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">sickness/withdrawal. </span><br />
<span style="color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-weight: 400; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">When he finally went to</span><br />
<span style="color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-weight: 400; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">the doctor, </span><span style="color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-weight: 400; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">he wanted him off the kratom. The doctor</span><br />
<span style="color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-weight: 400; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">wanted </span><span style="color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-weight: 400; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">him off </span><span style="color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-weight: 400; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">kratom because, </span><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: 11pt; font-weight: 400; white-space: pre;">this is America and its </span><br />
<span style="font-family: arial; font-size: 11pt; font-weight: 400; white-space: pre;">not FDA approved. </span><span style="color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-weight: 400; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">When they </span><span style="color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-weight: 400; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">took him off the kratom, </span><br />
<span style="color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-weight: 400; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">he STILL didn’t have withdrawal. </span><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: 11pt; font-weight: 400; white-space: pre;">It has a lot of promise</span><br />
<span style="font-family: arial; font-size: 11pt; font-weight: 400; white-space: pre;">for me, </span><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: 11pt; font-weight: 400; white-space: pre;">as a recovering opiate addict, i often </span><span style="color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-weight: 400; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">fear </span><span style="color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-weight: 400; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">if I ever</span><br />
<span style="color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-weight: 400; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">get into </span><span style="color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-weight: 400; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">an injury accident, </span><span style="color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-weight: 400; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">then what am I going to do. </span><br />
<span style="color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-weight: 400; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">Kratom could be </span><span style="color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-weight: 400; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">an </span><span style="color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-weight: 400; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">alternative </span><span style="color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-weight: 400; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">for that. </span><span style="color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-weight: 400; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">It does affect </span><br />
<span style="color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-weight: 400; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">the opioid </span><span style="color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-weight: 400; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">receptors in the brain, </span><span style="color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-weight: 400; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">but so does </span><span style="color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-weight: 400; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">coffee,</span><br />
<span style="color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-weight: 400; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">sex and everything else </span><span style="color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-weight: 400; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">worth doing. </span><span style="color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-weight: 400; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">I think in </span><span style="color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-weight: 400; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">the same</span><br />
<span style="color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-weight: 400; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">sense </span><span style="color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-weight: 400; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">it can be </span><span style="color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-weight: 400; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">addictive like coffee </span><span style="color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-weight: 400; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">is addictive, </span><span style="color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-weight: 400; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">but I haven’t</span><br />
<span style="color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-weight: 400; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">found any </span><span style="color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-weight: 400; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">research aside </span><span style="color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-weight: 400; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">from </span><span style="color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-weight: 400; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">headaches</span><br />
<span style="color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-weight: 400; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">and </span><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: 11pt; font-weight: 400; white-space: pre;">crotchiness as side effects. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: arial; font-size: 11pt; font-weight: 400; white-space: pre;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">It's great for my irritable bowel syndrome, i find when work</span></div>
<div style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">gets stressful </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">and i get an episode of stomach cramps,</span></div>
<div style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">if I take 500-600ml (one capsule).</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;"> </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">I don’t currently have</span><br />
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">chronic pain, and </span><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: 11pt; font-weight: 400; white-space: pre;">advil wouldn’t really help </span></div>
<div style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">with IBS problems. </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">OTC painkillers don’t really help with</span><br />
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">anxiety </span><span style="color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-weight: 400; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">or depression, but Kratom seems </span><span style="color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-weight: 400; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">to hit both; it works like</span><br />
<span style="color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-weight: 400; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">a standard </span><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: 11pt; font-weight: 400; white-space: pre;">painkiller and a mood elevator.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;"><br /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: magenta; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><b>How does it compare to uses of medical marijuana?</b></span><b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">I haven’t seen that cannabis is as effective as a pain killer, </span><br />
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">CBD has some </span><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: 11pt; font-weight: 400; white-space: pre;">promising studies but there are some </span><br />
<span style="font-family: arial; font-size: 11pt; font-weight: 400; white-space: pre;">psychosomatic </span><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: 11pt; font-weight: 400; white-space: pre;">stuff going with it. </span><br />
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><span style="font-size: 14.6667px; white-space: pre;"><br /></span></span></b><span style="background-color: transparent; color: magenta; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><b>Do people get high from doing Kratom?</b></span><b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">Personally, i have not gotten high off it. I’ve read stories</span><br />
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">of people taking heroic </span><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: 11pt; font-weight: 400; white-space: pre;">doses off it so that they get high. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: arial; font-size: 11pt; font-weight: 400; white-space: pre;">There is some </span><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: 11pt; font-weight: 400; white-space: pre;">responsibility that the </span><span style="color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-weight: 400; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">user has to take.</span><br />
<span style="color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-weight: 400; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">There is a potential for abuse </span><span style="color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-weight: 400; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">but i believe it is way safer</span><br />
<span style="color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-weight: 400; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">than </span><span style="color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-weight: 400; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">alcohol and safer than </span><span style="color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-weight: 400; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">acetaminophen </span><span style="color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-weight: 400; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">as far as what </span><br />
<span style="color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-weight: 400; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">it does for the liver. </span><span style="color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-weight: 400; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">Any time we bring something into our</span><br />
<span style="color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-weight: 400; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">bodies, </span><span style="color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-weight: 400; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">it should be to correct something </span><span style="color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-weight: 400; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">and </span><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: 11pt; font-weight: 400; white-space: pre;">it should have</span><br />
<span style="font-family: arial; font-size: 11pt; font-weight: 400; white-space: pre;">an end date. </span><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: 11pt; font-weight: 400; white-space: pre;">We should always be striving to improve</span><br />
<span style="font-family: arial; font-size: 11pt; font-weight: 400; white-space: pre;">our health. </span><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: 11pt; font-weight: 400; white-space: pre;">I measure </span><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: 11pt; font-weight: 400; white-space: pre;">[intake of anything] </span><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: 11pt; font-weight: 400; white-space: pre;">by the amount</span><br />
<span style="font-family: arial; font-size: 11pt; font-weight: 400; white-space: pre;">of harm, and i do </span><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: 11pt; font-weight: 400; white-space: pre;">not believe </span><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: 11pt; font-weight: 400; white-space: pre;">that K</span><span style="color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-weight: 400; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">ratom </span><span style="color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-weight: 400; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">depresses the</span><br />
<span style="color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-weight: 400; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">respiratory </span><span style="color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-weight: 400; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">system in the </span><span style="color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-weight: 400; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">same way </span><span style="color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-weight: 400; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">opiates do. </span><span style="color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-weight: 400; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">Fibromyalgia</span><br />
<span style="color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-weight: 400; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">and other </span><span style="color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-weight: 400; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">chronic pain </span><span style="color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-weight: 400; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">conditions </span><span style="color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-weight: 400; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">seem to respond well to it, </span><br />
<span style="color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-weight: 400; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">for </span><span style="color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-weight: 400; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">people who rely on </span><span style="color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-weight: 400; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">benzos </span><span style="color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-weight: 400; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">for </span><span style="color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-weight: 400; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">anxiety </span><span style="color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-weight: 400; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">this could </span><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: 11pt; font-weight: 400; white-space: pre;">be a good</span><br />
<span style="font-family: arial; font-size: 11pt; font-weight: 400; white-space: pre;">alternative for them. </span></div>
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marginalutilityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12269408950348611307noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1891119840596206906.post-29385680410133539292018-08-05T21:59:00.001-07:002018-08-06T22:31:35.852-07:00Tanya J: Sexing, Scoring and Away from Home<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.536; margin-bottom: 8pt; margin-left: 12pt; margin-right: 7pt; margin-top: 8pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #4b4f56; font-family: "arial"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">My typical day...is a 30 -48 hour day and then a big 15 hour sleep. Sometimes it starts at 7-8pm sometimes it starts at 3am...it really depends on so many things- where I am, who I'm with, how im working at that time (ie from the street or online), if I wanna go score, or if I have any specific plans. So even if i do very different activities or stick to wildly different times from day to day- I'm usually trying to take care of myself and people around me while working towards my own goals (making money, learning new things and trying to change some of the fucked up things in the world) I use heroin basically every day..or at least I have done for the last 4 or So years... And I travel a fair bit - for work and to visit friends and family ...even when I don't plan on it I still end up moving around a lot.</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #4b4f56; font-family: "arial"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #4b4f56; font-family: "arial"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">A lot of the time its almost like there's this feeling that I'm being moved on or I'm about to be moved on. On the street in Narrm [Melbourne] police will issue sex workers and our clients "move on notices " if they think we are loitering with intent to solicit...and even if I dodge them, I see a regular client get told to move on & if he's seen in the area again its a 24 hour ban. And even if I rent an apartment there is this feeling of "how long will we last here" - places where sex workers and drug users have hung out for years keep getting gentrified so fast- and now im in Europe I similar things happening everywhere I go- in Amsterdam, in Oslo, in London...</span></div>
<span style="color: #4b4f56; font-family: "arial"; white-space: pre-wrap;">Most days I spend a few hours texting/talking to potential clients and filtering through time wasters, and other people I get a bad vibe from.. And maybe on average I do one job a day.. Sometimes I might do three quickies (10-15 minute car jobs) in an afternoon, other times I might do 3 bookings all week (and hopefully they are 1 hour or longer or otherwise I end up with no drugs and real sick hanging out)</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #4b4f56; font-family: "arial"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">But when work is really quiet it goes from good to double bad coz I'm not only broke but also going thru withdrawals for heroin and often also coming down off uppers ...but I'd rather have good times and some shit than just the same boring same thing again and again. I enjoy being outside my comfort zone or challenging myself in different ways. </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #4b4f56; font-family: "arial"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #4b4f56; font-family: "arial"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">How do you travel over borders so much with a habit?</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #4b4f56; font-family: "arial"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I have info and things on my devices but I just be vague and send heapsa texts but in trying to avoid extra risks . I don't carry shit on me, they drug test everything I have twice for residue, question me for 3 hours as it is. It's like its better to be sick for 24 hrs than risk like everything when people are making fairly active watch. But anyway, finding shit, i dunno I think its easy in street based work ..either I find people somehow or I know enough people or place to go to then ask then to ask people for things .. Like these days I just travel back and forth from Stockholm to Australia. I can get OST sometimes like methadone but I try avoid that now its easier being sick 24 hours than getting off and on methadone </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #4b4f56; font-family: "arial"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I like to read a lot about history, take notes and share stuff with friends or my partner. If I don't make music or write poetry or spend time reading/listening to oral histories ...then I kinda sink down into a depressive hole... I need to do things like this to keep some hope in future or to distract myself from tendencies to be overly pessimistic & cynical </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #4b4f56; font-family: "arial"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #4b4f56; font-family: "arial"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">A big part of me taking drugs ( injecting heroin and smoking ice) is to find time and create the kind of mental state I want to be in to focus or relax or enjoy doing those kinds of things to the max... And also to treat myself and enjoy the money I earn from sex work- as a kind of investment in myself and how I feel.</span></div>
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<br />marginalutilityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12269408950348611307noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1891119840596206906.post-86716108727141884492018-07-31T20:24:00.000-07:002018-08-06T22:39:33.911-07:00Clear a$ FIJI: Make. That. Money$$I'm laptopping in Fiji, buzzed on my second glass of white wine awaiting my taxi driver. It's not as cheap as the Phillipines here so I have to be careful, but the weather is certainly perfect and much much cooler than summer in Japan. It's actually winter here, its still warm and lovely. Just not humid like Toikyo. I made a spur of the moment purchase for a RT ticket to Sydney that cost $600. The flight even had a 12 hour long stopover in Fiji! I had never been here so I definitely was thinking really hard of some good reasons why I SHOULDN'T GO. The purpose of the trip was work. I am saving for a used laptop. Last year, in LA my shit was all stolen out of the car. I left it in an unlocked car while I dropped my friend off at the theatre he worked on and I popped in and out of the car parked in front of the theater all night. It was still lifted. But nice and quietly, no broken glass. Just a clean lift. You're welcome. He left a sweaty t shirt in the backseat in lieu and it didn't actually dawn on me until hours later that the backpack that held my laptop was gone. Definitely a stupid move on my part, so I stayed quiet for many months. I was just going to have to do without my new machine. Somehow. Ten months later, I'm still trying to make the best out of the situation and trying to figureo out how I can get a digital production machine into my life again. I'd just been approved of some new credit lines but if I wasn't making the $50-100 extra per month to pay off the cc card bills then charging something that I couldn't afford did not make logical sense. Been there, done that. Charge the future with no plan on how to pay your bills for it. A lesson I think everyone who has a credit card quickly learns.<br />
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I am on a FB forum for sex workers that travel internationally. I get notices when someone posts on my FB feed. This woman had toured in Sydney and she wrote "I killed it. I worked from 10am-10pm and I had to turn away all the drug users (mostly coke), and still did heaps great. Its your choice if you want to do it, but I choose not to." AND THAT SOLD ME. DRUGS AND MONEY. BOOM. WHERE'S MY CREDIT CARD. BITCH I'M SIGNING. SYDNEY HERE I COME AGAIN.<br />
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It was Hulk like primal expression of being fed up with making minimum living wage working my ass off as a teacher in Tokyo, with no ability to even fathom buying a new computer, even with a credit card. I've just been fed up with not having enough money. Sex Work is about making changes and upward mobility happen. Therefore this campaign is called OPERATION UPWARD MOBILITY DOWN UNDER. I need a new used laptop. I'm aiming for a mere $500 budget for a machine that do Final Cut and Photoshop. I've been without these things for almost one year and almost convincing myself that I don't actually need a computer. But, I do, I really really do.<br />
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I'm sick of the straight life I lead. I'm sicking of not being able to be in control of my situation. I'm sick of being in a place where men do not think I am attractive. This is also a motivator. Plus, I want to make money and do drugs. And fuck. I'm not even exaggerating. I'm ready to let loose. I've just passed something like a breaking point. It was this need to really not let other agencies or stripclubs determine if I was going to be able to make this money, it was this strong desire to just fuck all those middle men and try to make this happen myself. I have lost a lot of confidence in Japan since the Japanese male and I are not really on the same energetic wave length it seems. I need to go to a place where I attract bees to honey again. Be myself, the queen, the godddess again. Get my grove back. GET a laptop again finally. Take my art and music production out of hiatus. I can do this.<br />
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<br />marginalutilityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12269408950348611307noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1891119840596206906.post-68772716478584564682018-07-13T22:24:00.002-07:002018-07-13T22:24:28.796-07:00Stormy is the New Black<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="font-family: Arial; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Stormy Daniels got arrested at an Ohio strip club last night. I don’t think she even had to wear orange because she was out on bail the same night and the charges were dropped the next day. Her mug shot looked great. Straight from the stage to jail. Do not pass go. Do not crawl along the stage to collect your tips first. Of course it was a set up. But Stormy’s got one of the hottest lawyers in media right now, Michael Avenatti who is quickly able to overturn the bullshit scheme. The bad guys have to go back to the drawing board. She is lucky this time. It’s going to be hard to be more careful next time because even in liberal California clubs, touching of the buttocks in a sexual manner is considered prostitution, it is a grey area inside the clubs. In 70% of any city's clubs a dancers can be caught with a dick in the hand to really get the correct charge, which is the annual sting that happens in most of modern day “strip clubs” in America. Just like it happens on the streets, on backpage and craigslist of the days. Stings. Sweep the bitches up. But this sting was different. Timely. When I was a stripper in 2000, I made a living not doing extras but that was me. It sounds like Stormy was caught on a technicality of touch without a penis involved, otherwise it would have been mentioned. And it sounds like it didn’t even happen in a private booth or VIP area which is where prostitution usually takes place. Also, in the media, none of them mentioned the charge name, which i wonder if it was prostitution? Lewd behavior? Unwanted touch? I read the police report and it is written as if the touch is non consensual. </span></span></div>
<b id="docs-internal-guid-eda12dc9-9738-22a3-b2f0-30194d0ef4e5" style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><br /></span></b>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Defendant is charged with three counts of sexually oriented activity in a sexually oriented business. </span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">She jumped down from the stage and put a customers face in her cleavage and smacked her boobs</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">against their faced and that is being framed as the crime. Any police officer I have EVER chatted</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">with, including the ones that arrested me EVER thought that arresting prostitutes was a solution or a
good use of their time. I would LOVE to interview these cops and see if they can actually say their grounds for arrest to a camera with a straight face. NO. #NOT.YOU.TOO Nice touch getting one of</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">the lady cops to do the sting. She’s probably like, oh dang I don’t get to dress like a hooker and </span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">cruise the streets in my secret super whore costume and loving it tonite? I get to use department</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">money and get smacked in the face with some titties? Stormy Daniels’ titties? Some police have it </span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">rough. I do remember the firemen who came in the club periodically to do their fire inspection </span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">NEVER flirted or acted inappropriately though. They’d roll through the club look at the exits in the </span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">back and not smile or talk to anyone. So it’s possible that the cops involved in the sting had some </span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">inner narrative about making America safer by doing their jobs, playing inside their brain while Cardi </span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">B was violently twerking so hard in their faces they couldn’t breathe. Smart strippers know the laws, </span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">especially if they are full service sex workers. The ones doing the hand and blow jobs and more in </span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">the clubs are the ones we are trying ot get! Or some other narrative to divide good girls and bad girls</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"> again. Touching someone’s buttocks with the intention of stimulation and vice versa, rubbing your</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">butt on the genitals til they come IS touching genitals with intention of orgasm or something like that and that is prostitution in most of the laws, but in most laws it is rarely enforced. Once a year or so, </span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">and often, like this totally politically motivated. Stormy could be risking her life, I unfortunately</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">imagine her dead, face down in a pool somewhere, faked suicide or overdose. I doubt she does </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">drugs, because i am sure it would have been exposed to the media vultures. Stormy and all of these bogus charges are my 12 Thai boys in the cave story. I want sexuality to come into the light out of </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">the cave. Even in America, we still have so long to go before men and women are equal in a lot of </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">key ways. </span></span></div>
<br />marginalutilityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12269408950348611307noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1891119840596206906.post-5826753978836852722018-07-04T07:53:00.000-07:002018-07-04T07:53:03.206-07:00Pills for ART, ART for Pills<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-5y0T2GIzEXs/WzzeXxVHBxI/AAAAAAAADZQ/DkUqIGc9-3oocg5wpd1xI-XSdhMpyEgiQCLcBGAs/s1600/variety-photographs-by-nan-goldin-34.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="203" data-original-width="280" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-5y0T2GIzEXs/WzzeXxVHBxI/AAAAAAAADZQ/DkUqIGc9-3oocg5wpd1xI-XSdhMpyEgiQCLcBGAs/s1600/variety-photographs-by-nan-goldin-34.jpg" /></a></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;">Nan Goldin came up in the 1970s doing Heroin Chic photographs</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;"> before Calvin Klein branding created that term</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;">in the 90s. She is most known for her gritty</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;">New York apartment documentary color</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;">photographs of sex, queers, whores, </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;">drugs and their lives of that time. </span><span style="background-color: white; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 13.5pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;"> </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 13.5pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;">its protagonists—including the </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 13.5pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;">artist herself—are captured in intimate</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 13.5pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;">moments of love and loss. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 13.5pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;">They experience ecstasy and pain</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 13.5pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;">through sex and drug use; they revel at dance clubs and bond with</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 13.5pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;">their children at home; and they suffer from domestic violence</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 13.5pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;">and the ravages of AIDS. “</span><span style="background-color: white; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 13.5pt; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;">The Ballad of Sexual Dependency</span><span style="background-color: white; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 13.5pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;"> is</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 13.5pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap; white-space: pre;">the diary I let people read,” Goldin wrote.</span></div>
<span id="docs-internal-guid-373f038b-65c3-bc13-2d2a-9fb5e373110c"><br /><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The collection that evokes her main body of work known as “The Ballad of Sexual Dependency” has been included in every major art museum in the world from the Museum of Modern Art to the Guggenheim in the U.S, a household name for photographers, especially those artists who came up when AIDS was bringing every down to their knees. The Act Up Die In was coined at this time as direct action awareness to bring attention to this urgent issue. Goldin is bringing awareness through a Die In once again, to bring attention to America’s current opioid crisis. Goldin was addicted to heroin in the 70s and 80s and then almost 30 years later after she required prescription pain killers to relieve herself from the recovery of a pinched nerve surgery, she became addicted again. This time the drug was oxycotin. She believes one of the wealthiest art beneficiary families The Sacklers are to blame. The Sackler family made most of their wealth by drugs and have “given back” via art philanthropy which they are more well known for world wide than the creation of Valium in the 60s and Oxycotin in the 90s. </span></span><br />
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<a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-5nkyzzlM5LA/WzzegSAYxsI/AAAAAAAADZY/ww6kd-Y94mAPGltLwHx-IL_ggQEtLYQvACLcBGAs/s1600/download%2B%252811%2529.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="183" data-original-width="275" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-5nkyzzlM5LA/WzzegSAYxsI/AAAAAAAADZY/ww6kd-Y94mAPGltLwHx-IL_ggQEtLYQvACLcBGAs/s1600/download%2B%252811%2529.jpeg" /></a></div>
<span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></span>
“<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Georgia; font-size: 13.5pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">She says that Arthur Sackler, who ran an advertising agency that successfully marketed the drug Valium in the ’60s, essentially created the model that was later used by his brothers, Raymond and Mortimer, founders of Purdue Pharma in 1991, to sell OxyContin for profit, ultimately at the expense of lives. As a result, she believes that all Sacklers have an obligation to help end the opioid crisis.” She wants art museums to stop taking donations from this family and she wants the Sackler foundation to create harm reduction projects and start to put money towards the current opioid crisis which she says, they helped to create. Nan Goldin found herself in the 3rd year of her addiction, eventually overdosing on Fentanyl which she thought was heroin because she had already two timed her prescription and ended up being cut off by her doctors, so she had to turn to the streets to get her fix. The result was almost deadly, but unlike some lives like Prince that Fentanyl has claimed Goldin survived to tell and shout and use her global art star leverage to demand that the very museums that indeed did and do support her career as an artist even if they were partially responsible for her addiction clean the blood off their hands and not continue to act like they are unaware of the crisis that is killing more people everyday than ever before. She wants the public to become aware to and the work that she is doing is unlike any activism that any other artist is doing to challenge philanthropy and the opioid crisis at the same time. Follow the money. Act Up.</span>marginalutilityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12269408950348611307noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1891119840596206906.post-24229803068844074962018-06-10T07:03:00.002-07:002019-03-21T05:01:02.978-07:00Special K Saved Me<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: "roboto"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Ketamine has been the subject of some media featuring the work that the drug has done to miraculously and rapidly reverse depression and suicidal ideations for its patients. The one time injection treatments that one clinic is charging $450 per. The treatment must, like other psychological treatments be done under the supervision, intake assessment and close monitor of a nurse and psych team. It is not FDA approved as an antidepressant but it is approved as an anesthetic. There are several clinical trials running at the moment, that will hopefully lead to its full legal and appropriate use. Dr. Mandel of Ketamine Clinics of Los Angeles says “Ketamine is the best treatment for depression.” One of the ways Ketamine works is by blocking the NMDA (N-methyl D-Aspartate Receptor) one of the 3 major glutamate receptors in the brain. This receptor is involved in synaptic plasticity and memory functions, among other functions. A Ketamine induced blockade of the NMDA receptor results in an increase in glutamate. This initiates a cascade of neurobiological events that researchers believe is one of the key reasons behind ketamine’s rapid antidepressant effects. “Ketamine has a half life of 2 hours and 45 minutes but the effects are lasting for months” Lisa Monteggia, pHd “We got involved with really looking at how K triggers an antidepressant effect because of the real need,” she states, “recent clinical data shows that about ⅓ of depressed patients don’t respond to anti-depressants, so what do you do for those patients?” Traditional antidepressants can take up to 8 weeks to work and the effects of ketamine can be seen in 60-90 minutes. It is addictive and does have a long term toxic effect. Therefore, taking it outside of a doctor’s supervision can have detrimental results. I’m sure many party people are going to here about this and try to dose themselves, but I think psychological counseling in conjunction with treatment is the treatment that you definitely can’t get at any circuit parties or afterhours clubs. I think the most effective facilitations happen when your facilitator isn’t also on drugs and isn’t also dealing with the same issues as you, i.e not in mutual codependence, even though this model has been the one that has helped many many drug users cope for short periods of time, but sometimes the outcomes/come downs/withdrawals as we probably personally have witnessed have led some down to some darker paths.</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: "roboto"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><iframe allow="autoplay; encrypted-media" allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/Rux4d-32fUQ" width="560"></iframe></span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: "roboto"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Jeff Ellis is bipolar has been hospitalized at psychiatric facilities but somehow was able to consistently stay employed most recently at the Sky Network as a NFL football analyst. His wife lost her job and his daughter went away to college and he had what he calls a complete mental collapse. “No matter how amazing my loving wife was, I was still alone. Mental illness means you are alone.” Jeff now says, after Ketamine treatments that he no longer has to feel alone. </span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: "roboto"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">We can find a dozen youtube testimonials and at least 2 VICE documentaries on how Ketamine has saved severely depressed people’s lives. Some have definitely expressed fear that the treatment could be outlawed soon and send them reeling back to where they started, perhaps even further into the darkness. It seems likely that this could happen given that Jeff Sessions was recently on a campaign to “crack down” on recently legalized marijuana state operations. Luckily, the Trump administration’s priorities have been reappropriated, but because of the Fentanyl opioid crisis which has not seen a large support of harm reduction tactics being funded, I have my doubts that Ketamine treatments can be assured safety for long under this presidency. </span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: "roboto"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">I used to identify as having depression about ten years ago. At this time, I had been smoking weed daily since my twenties but I do remember for an entire year of the most severe times, there would be days in which I was triggered into a spiraling depression and I would drive as fast as I could straight to a medical marijuana dispensary. Tears would be streaming down my face, it was difficult to think straight yet I was tunnel visioned to the straight road that I knew was what I needed when these breaks happened. I would get there regardless of any cost to get my instant cure from this agony that I was currently feeling. There were a few places in Los Angeles that I could smoke on site after purchase, so I would sit down and smoke my first bong hit and count backwards 5-4-3-2-1...Relief. This was when I truly identified as depressed medical marijuana as a medicine for my depression, because it was. Suicidal ideations were there, and risky behavior was there because I couldn’t muster the effort to kill myself. I was actually just hoping a client would do it for me. These days, I don’t identify as depressed and I don’t smoke weed in the same way. The last time I had one of these depressive attacks was right before I moved to Japan. Japan doesn’t have easy access to any kind of cannabis, in fact it is very very illegal. The fear that I would not be able to find this kind of relief if needed triggered the same kind of fear that I hadn’t felt for many years. At this time, I was in Seattle and marijuana was legal for all uses and did not require a prescription. I remember tearfully asking a worker there, if he would just come with me somewhere to smoke for a few minutes so that I didn’t have to be alone. I was terrified of something unknown, something that my head had created and only cannabis was going to be able to calm these voices down and I knew it based on my experience. At this time, I was willing to beg a stranger who I gambled might at least understand the relief that marijuana could provide to depression and paranoia. For some people, they feel more paranoia, fear and depression on cannabis, but for me, it never ever had this effect. The man who worked there obliged, even though workers were not supposed to smoke with customers, he could see that I was desperate. If you get to look into the eyes of a creature who honestly believes that she is about to die, you will know it and do what you can to save or help her. It has worked for me during this period to have a tow truck driver take my car down off the hooks from being towed away miraculously. I wasn’t faking it or being dramatic. I honestly felt like I was going to die and maybe they knew that? I understand very very well the feeling of relief that the Ketamine treatment patients are gleaming about and I feel happy for them. I have heard other severely depressed/bipolar people speak about wanting to kill themselves everyday, one of them was another sex worker who would always post these kinds of thoughts on her Facebook wall. I wish and hope that they could find relief for their pain. I knew that there was nothing I could offer emotionally that would be strong enough and that felt terrible but I didn’t want to add to their frustration by being just another person telling them to control their thoughts, meditate, run, or smoke weed. It takes a lot of inner work which some people are just for whatever reason unable or incapacitated by this illness to consider. To break through, it takes a strong desire to want to, and the very definition of depression is that you do not want to do anything. Even actually planning how to kill yourself takes effort that one might not have so you are just trapped inside your ideations for years. Ketamine apparently is the new trend in ways to help you step outside of your own mind and see your life differently. </span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><br /></span>marginalutilityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12269408950348611307noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1891119840596206906.post-83431090160823046202018-05-24T07:25:00.000-07:002018-05-24T07:32:02.094-07:00The Cost of Wide Open Hearts<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I started to get interested in highlighting different themes in the “current” opioid crisis, things that I haven’t talked about to date yet. The opioid crisis isn’t new, it just became a bigger crisis it seems to me when majority white states and soccer moms started to crash their mini vans into trees on the freeway. The crisis of addiction has always been a problem in people of color communities, and my harm reduction newsletter reminds me of these things. Perhaps the Fentanyl crisis in the midwestern states will cause some movement to happen that didn’t happen in South Central with crack in the 80s. </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> “The old assumption that there is a correlation between poverty and people of color and drug abuse leaves many of the white rural families of potential addicts woefully ignorant of <a href="https://www.alternet.org/drugs/current-opioid-crisis-class-issue?akid=16750.231432.pmDGdM&rd=1&src=newsletter1089042&t=20" target="_blank">the signs of abuse and treatment.” </a>At least the situation is seen as a Federal emergency which is supposed to inject more help than harm, however, some skeptical parties feel that the damage that punitive drug war tactics and mass incarceration will cause will continue to affect QTPOC disproportionately. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Harm Reduction centers seem to espouse a social justice framework that is simply based on not letting people die or be punished for where they are currently at. While most of the workers have been drug users themselves, even if not actual drug users, working in the trenches of harm reduction often creates its own victim/rescuer identity that creates its own psychological addiction around the endless supply of cases and placing the volunteer or outreach worker in an epidemic that will never be solved for many community members. It becomes a new identity after one gets clean or an alternative high and crash cycle for others. This doesn’t take away from the fact that great work that often very few people want to do is still done. Joelle Puccio, who works with a lot of prenantal addicts says that automatically assuming that certain behaviors of prenantal addcts are an endemic cause and effect relationship are due to the fact that we cannot ethically study this sample of the population fairly. “</span><span style="background-color: #f9f9f9; color: #383838; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">What I am saying is that there is simply no evidence to support the harms that our society blames on perinatal substance use. In scientific research, perinatal substance use is </span><span style="background-color: #f9f9f9; color: #383838; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: italic; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">associated</span><span style="background-color: #f9f9f9; color: #383838; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> with negative outcomes. It is important to note that associations are not a cause and effect relationship</span><span style="background-color: #f9f9f9; color: #383838; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-weight: 700; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">.</span><span style="background-color: #f9f9f9; color: #383838; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> Good research is difficult to perform and interpret, entirely due to the legal and ethical status of substances. It is impossible to design a randomized controlled trial where you take group of pregnant people and tell half of them to smoke meth because you want to find out if it hurts their baby. Because of the threat of criminal and child services consequences, the only families that we are able to study are those that have been caught.” </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: #f9f9f9; color: #383838; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">There is also more than just overdose that is costing money. There are Hepatitis C infections</span><br />
<span style="background-color: #f9f9f9; color: #383838; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;"> “</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #4c4e4d; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;"> there is a cure for hepatitis C; the bad news is that the cheapest course of treatment costs more</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #4c4e4d; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;"> than $20,000 and ranges all the way up to $90,000. “ and because users are shooting with dirty water</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #4c4e4d; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;"> from toilets and rivers, they are getting infections called bacterial endocarditis which are treated at the </span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #4c4e4d; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">rate of 40-50,000 new cases each year. It causes heart valve infections and strokes in patients that </span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #4c4e4d; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">are as young as 20-30 years old. They often have to have open heart surgery to replace an infected </span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #4c4e4d; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">heart valve. The treatment can cost up to $120,000 per patient to treat. </span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #4c4e4d; font-family: "arial"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">Sometimes patients require multiple complicated surgeries, including open-heart </span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #4c4e4d; font-family: "arial"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">surgery, with no guarantee that one will be enough if the patient can’t stay clean. </span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #4c4e4d; font-family: "arial"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">Medical programs in some states will pay for the treatment for curable Hep C only</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #4c4e4d; font-family: "arial"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">if the patient is clean, making their drug treatment a priority and added expense.</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #4c4e4d; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 13.5pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;"> </span></div>
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<a href="https://www.vox.com/2018/3/6/16453530/america-opioid-crisis-epidemic-bacterial-endocarditis-hepatitis-c" style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #1155cc; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 13.5pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: underline; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">https://www.vox.com/2018/3/6/16453530/america-opioid</span></a><br />
<a href="https://www.vox.com/2018/3/6/16453530/america-opioid-crisis-epidemic-bacterial-endocarditis-hepatitis-c" style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #1155cc; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 13.5pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: underline; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">-crisis-epidemic-bacterial-endocarditis-hepatitis-c</span></a></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #4c4e4d; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 13.5pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">http://harmreduction.org/blog/amplifying-hope/ </span></div>
marginalutilityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12269408950348611307noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1891119840596206906.post-9526549613153787312018-05-04T04:25:00.003-07:002018-05-04T04:27:10.647-07:00Riders of the Stormy<span id="docs-internal-guid-3d315417-2ae2-3610-960f-4881eb8a5048"><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 12pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">While the passing of FOSTA/SESTA and the closing of Backpage have forced many sex workers to feel like their world is getting worse than ever, Stormy Daniels is headlining the news with her lawyer and speaking more coherently about than other women who had previously positioned their vaginas in ways that could threaten the presidency: Marilyn Monroe and Monica Lewinsky come to mind. I’m positive that a thorough cleansing of Ms. Clifford’s drug use and record of being a good parent has already been scrutinized by the media and current administrations’ legal teams trying to save their asses, therefore if she had anything else that would shake her credibility in the claims including her recent lawsuit for defamation, I believe it would have come out. The fact that she does legal sex work helps immensely as well. Her stripclub tour “Make America Horny Again” definitely serves her to profit from this affair which porn headliners typically make about $130,000 for touring the stripclub circuit of the U.S as a feature performer annually. But so what, she deserves to make money and she is smart for doing so. She crowd fundraised $250,000 for legal fees in record time. </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #3c3c3c; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 12pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Stephanie Clifford, said she set up the campaign so that could "speak honestly and openly" against the "intimidation tactics" used by Trump's lawyer, Michael Cohen, and the president himself, she wrote in the campaign description. She claims to not be a victim--of sexual assault, but after scouring through all of the media to catch up on this scandal, it seemed to have armed herself with a strong lawyer who is ready to be her wingman on TV and in court. She showed up at the trial of Michael Cohen with the intention to stare him down, reminding me of Hester Prynne in The Scarlett Letter, proudly wearing ALL the letters that everyone has tried to label her with: Adulteress, Adult Actress, Slut, Whore, Liar, Gold Digger. There seemed to be more criticism and hatred of Obama than of Stormy Daniels in all my research. Although she doesn’t claim to be a victim of sexual assault, she does claim to be a victim of bullying and intimidation which directly affected her career and threatened her and her child. In other MeToo news this week, Andrea Constand has triumphed in her accusations of being drugged and raped by Bill Cosby who IS a clear victor in the momentum of MeToo. It is a clear moment in time in which women's voices are being heard and the women who are bringing forth accusations are not backing down. Stormy and her current Michael Avenatti stand to take the re-election of Trump and perhaps leading to impeachment while he is in his current term for campaign violations. It is the first time such a strong case with a sex worker face being so unapologetically strong willed and well spoken than any woman before her, and a case where someone hasn't yet attempted to murder her so she would silence. I am reminded of the DC madam Deborah Jean Palfrey stood to shake up the White House and then mysteriously hung herself. She lost her life before anyone major lost their job. I remember when that happened, it seemed like a murder cover up which if Stormy’s safety was threatened by someone in a parking lot when she was a no one in the political game then perhaps her best defense was to be as public as possible so that any sudden suicide would just not fit the bill. There are conspiracy theories that say that Marilyn Monroe was drugged when she died to cover up her affair with JFK. Admist some of the worst things that are happening to sex workers in this country, I seem to feel after the end of my scouring of the Daniels story that she actually succeed in taking the current president out of the White House.</span></span>marginalutilityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12269408950348611307noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1891119840596206906.post-722051325148618502018-04-19T05:32:00.000-07:002018-04-19T05:33:09.141-07:00The Worst Sex Work Laws of My Lifetime<br />
The Trump administration is abandoning abandoning Jeff Sessions crusade announced crackdown on recently legalized marijuana because..it has shifted all energy into destroying prostitution in America. While relaxing on the weed laws relieves some of us so that we can medicate while being persecuted, the final fall of the Backpage empire definitely leaves us feeling the same familiar hopelessness that the Trump administration always brings with his stupid grin and photo with his signature on a big bill to destroy your environment, your livelihood your future...Perhaps Stormy Daniel’s is one of our only hopes in this dark dark era of anti sex, fucked over privacy, fucked over freedom of labor choice and outright confiscation of adult autonomy. This is the worst tsunami of change to sex worker laws that I may have seen in my lifetime. There have been some pretty dark times but Trump has not yet disappointed in taking things to a whole new level of shitholeness. Bush and 911 were fairly dark times, and I was younger and more idealistic then, so the fall would have been harder. This, however certainly effects sex workers in ways that none of us have ever seen or prepared for in previous decades. We now have no outlets to advertise and can be busted for the trafficking if you work with a driver, drive a friend to work, or share screened clients and receive a fee for doing so. Before we had to actually get caught in a sting. Now it feels like we live in Sweden and are trying to work under similarly impossible laws.
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Apparently, if you had turned in your passport to be verified by Eros, which was just raided in September 2017 you can be banned from even entering the U.S, banned from traveling as a tourist to places like Canada and Japan if the passport has some sort of prostitution ban that has global reach. I read an announcement from a sex worker who entered the U.S and was caught at the border and slapped with a 10 year ban from entering America as a result of some alert on her passport. “What’s Eros for?” the border security asked. Heart and jaw drop on the floor. Many sex workers were hoping that Backpage owners would continue to fight as they always have been but I think finally they were worn thin and just decided to plead guilty and start doing their sentences. They were charged guilty in CA for money laundering and guilty for trafficking in Texas. They did not try to fight it, they pleaded guilty and started there sentence as soon as BP was seized. No Larry Flynt type of victory was going to ensue in 2018 for the Backpage owners, they had been fighting this fight for years already.<br />
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If you are wondering if it was all Trump’s doing alone, you are wrong.<b> "In case anyone is wondering who should be president in 2020 based solely on the FOSTA/SESTA vote, it's Barbara Lee,</b> the east bay rep, who voted no. Voted no on the War In Afghanistan in 2001. We used to say "Barbara Lee speaks for me" back then. Guess it's still true.
<br />
<br />
<b>Not: </b><br />
<b>Bernie Sanders</b><br />
<b>Cory Booker</b><br />
<b>Elizabeth Warren</b><br />
<b>Kamala Harris</b><br />
<b>Kristen Gillabrand</b><br />
<b>Maxine Waters </b><br />
<b>Jimmy Gomez
basically every other democrat (except Ron Wyden and 10 other house dems)
who all voted Yes"
</b><br />
<br />marginalutilityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12269408950348611307noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1891119840596206906.post-60678782531678973332018-04-05T05:56:00.000-07:002018-04-05T05:58:43.281-07:00 How Can Medical Marijuana help with the Opioid Abuse and Mortality?I am a stoner of 20 years with a medical marijuana prescription. While I admittedly smoke for recreational use, there was a string of five or so years that I used marijuana as an antidepressant and I identified as being “chemically depressed.” I tried to get prescribed “real antidepressants” but I was evaluated as not qualified by my local LGBTQ medical clinic. I don’t “have depression” but I do smoke to feel less depressed at times, if that makes sense. It is excellent medicine for me, but I have learned quite well how to use medicines to my advantage. Other people are not naturally introspective, or critical of their doctors or the system and unfortunately many are in situations or states of being not able to control well what is best for their body, mind and souls, which is why there are doctors, lawyers and police officers enlisted to take care of that for those that fall short of solid decision making. The enforcers of your choices are not always right, kind or ethical but what can you do if you can’t do? Nothing. Exactly. The recent Fentanyl overdose problem has created an unforeseen crisis that luckily many of my former heroin/opiate addict friends missed. B was one of them. B is a good friend of mine who is a daily user of cannabis wax and other psychotropics that he calls “plant medicines.” He chose to live in California, a state with legal access to cannabis specifically because he once lived in Ohio and had a wicked painkiller addiction problem. It was plant medicines like Ayauasca that was the gateway that helped him to kick his habit but he and I would agree that it isn’t any substance or plant or pill that can heal you if you are prone to addiction or abuse, it has to do with a desire to change your life and patterns. Some choose Ayuasca for this, others choose 12 step programs. Ayuasca and other plant medicines are illegal and probably won’t see the light of a brick and mortar dispensary with a neon sign in the window like your local medical MJ store but I find that plant medicine retreats were getting quite hip and pretty easy to find access to, even through Facebook event invites! Medical cannabis is for those on the alternative non clean and sober recovery plan and it works out great for a lot of people. <a href="https://www.alternet.org/drugs/science-can-no-longer-be-ignored-legal-cannabis-access-reduces-opioid-abuse-and-mortality?akid=16900.231432.tltu9D&rd=1&src=newsletter1090636&t=4">Recent research</a> has shown to reveal significant reduction in opioid prescription rates in Kentucky, Minnesota and Illinois. Worldwide studies have conferred in Israel and Mexico who were regular opioid presribed patients reduced usage where cannabis was legal or medical. CC, another former trusted opioid user friend who doesn’t use weed at all tells me,“Opioids are always going to be necessary for higher duty hardcore pain, people too often champion one at the expense of the other when there are so many kinds of pain and so many different kinds of individuals with different needs.” As a habitual weed user, I fully agree and understand this well as I’ve certainly moaned,”I NEED SOMETHING FUCKING STRONGER!!” while in unbearable pain because, if you smoke weed everyday, smoking more weed when you are have some sudden major injury is not going to cut it at all. Going back to the <a href="https://theoutline.com/post/2205/this-38-year-old-study-is-still-spreading-bad-ideas-about-addiction?zd=1&zi=vdbtqzlj">famous but simplified</a> rat park study, in regards to emotional pain needs being met, I think cannabis works better for this type of pain than opioids, but I don't claim to represent all humans or all rats in the park. It’s about giving patients options and trusting that they can make choices. This sounds quite simple but its not, because there will always be some people who don’t like to or simply are unable to make sound or conscious choices at all.
marginalutilityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12269408950348611307noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1891119840596206906.post-6925221631393982202018-03-27T06:50:00.000-07:002018-03-27T06:50:22.576-07:00If you murder someone, even yourself, make sure you know what you are doing.Is suicide just a RESET button?
A Facebook friend of mine recently asked me if I had heard of Teal Swan. I had seen a few of her videos but there was something about her presence that was kind of cold and dark, as if she represented a dark energy that I couldn’t really pick up on. She has a huge cult following and says things like “Suicide is a reset button and Death is delicious.” Of course, I didn’t know any of this when I was watching, I read about what she is now known to be about in an<a href="https://medium.com/@bescofield/the-gucci-guru-inside-teal-swans-posh-cult-36168edaf62f"> article calling her the Gucci Guru. </a>
Her words never really captivated me and I found myself distracted with other things while multitasking housework and listening to one of her YouTubes like I usually do many other speakers. I told this friend,”I had never felt really drawn to her. She’s kinda dark. I like her intro cartoon though.” I said, trying to come up with something nice to say. This friend used to come to me during times of suicidal ideations before I drew a boundary and said that I couldn’t hold space for it anymore and that she needed to call a crisis line or seek professional help. I’m sure that she clung to me for a while because I offered a different perspective on suicide that wasn’t usual from a friend in need. I had recently lost a former student of mine to suicide, which was indeed sad because she was so young and surely she was full of light and the furthest thing from seeming suicidal when I knew her. I asked my Facebook then,”Is suicide a conscious choice? Do you support your loved one in making this choice?” and this spurred off a lot of reactions from people, many whom I had never heard from before on my timeline. Some people seemed disturbed that I would even bring up such a topic for discussion. I was really interested in hearing what people thought, especially since Star had just killed herself. Star was a young queer girl in the Gay Straight Alliance club that I started. She was a trailblazer and someone I would describe as truly aware of the choices that she made and a young woman who was fully in her power. For me to see her as some kind of victim just didn’t sit well with me, but the truth was I couldn’t tell with accuracy since I hadn’t actually interacted with her since high school. Suicide most definitely hurts the people around you and creates havoc financially and mentally for your family and everyone else who has to deal with the pieces that you left behind. But such is death. The same pieces are left when someone is shot and killed by a gun wielding teenager in a movie theater or school campus. Because I don’t have a strong conviction AGAINST suicide I imagine people who may be depressed and suicidal feel comfort in that state as they are probably well over tired with hearing the same rhetoric. My advice to my recent friend was similar to a friend getting an abortion. If that is your choice, make sure you understand the choice you are making, and make sure not to fail at it. Nothing worse than these attempted suicides where the person has to be committed and or have permanent scars because a bullet missed or some poison permanently damaged their internal organs. If you are going to murder someone, including yourself, make sure that you have planned it in a way that doesn’t leave a mess for someone else or yourself to deal with. It sounds easy for me to say of course. I can only speak from my biased perspective. When I felt suicidal, I did want things to get better. I was on a slow course of destruction, just putting myself in harm’s way, just begging to be hurt and killed. I took whatever drugs were put in front of me and just swallowed substances without knowing what they were, who was giving them to me and what the consequences might be. I traded sex for a bottle of pills that I hoped was Oxycodone and instead it ended up being Vicodin. I downed about 5 and then ended up throwing them all up for hours over the toilet. It was a weak half assed attempt. Maybe I was saved by a divine force, maybe I was lucky. The plan I had was to overdose on oxycodone, but I only tried that once. I can’t really tell you how I started to slowly move away from the desire to die, but I did. In recent messages, this FB friend tells me she isn’t suicidal anymore and I say,Good. Is it bad to say, that I support people where they are at? Saying suicide is a reset button or that death is delicious is just another radical perspective put out there. It definitely condones it as something “not so bad” which is possibly where Teal and I may be on a similar wave length, although I see my stance as neutral. People we know who are addicted to drugs are seen as slowly killing themselves, so I suppose in all my years of working with drug users is how I arrived where I am. People have their time to die and their time to live. It wasn’t my time to go, else, the pills would have killed me because they would have been the “right” ones. But, turns out the “wrong” ones were the right ones and I can look back at this from a keyboard and sigh, not of relief but just reflection.
marginalutilityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12269408950348611307noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1891119840596206906.post-51777058728488316042018-03-10T06:21:00.001-08:002018-03-10T06:21:39.888-08:00SESTA NO SIESTAYet another important bill is coming up for voting about “anti-trafficking’ on March 12th. The Senate will vote on <a href="https://www.congress.gov/bill/115th-congress/senate-bill/1693">SESTA</a>, the Stop Enabling Sex Trafficking Act. Late last month, the U.S. House of Representatives passed <a href="https://www.congress.gov/bill/115th-congress/house-bill/1865">House Resolution 1865</a> — titled the Allow States and Victims to Fight Online Sex Trafficking Act, or FOSTA — legislation intended to penalize operators of sites that facilitate online sex trafficking by holding companies like Facebook, Google, and Backpage.com legally liable for content their users post. Backpage has already shut down its erotic service ads and even though all the sex workers have seemed to move their ads to the personals section, just this small shift in perception and presentation has changed the market. When I advertise on BP pretending to look for dates, it is not as effective as when I am able to post the services that I provide and my website link. Some workers feel like it’s perfectly the same to charge seekers for sex in the dating section, because dating is something like prostitution anyway they reason, but I don’t really agree with this line of thinking. There are lots of sex workers who NEVER have sex without getting paid. They view this as “unpaid sex work.” Again, this is not the way I feel about dating men, and I make a clear line between the way I act while I am working and use plenty more discretion when I date people for free versus when I see clients. Facebook is already fucking nuts about their censorship of race, sexual topics and female nipples, either yourself or someone you chat with frequently on Facebook has been in “Facebook jail” for showing a nipple or talking about some censored topic that they shared for artistic expression, activism, community support or because it was their own body and they should have the right to show it if they wanted to. I tried to advertise as a professional cuddler on craigslist, the first site to voluntarily knock down their own erotic service section, I got flagged within minutes in the therapeutic section even though I could tell their were other sex worker ads listed. I also tried to look for someone that was mixed race like me because I am seeking cultural connection and understanding, and that too was flagged on craigslist. In Trump’s America, I don’t have a lot of hope for the future of good laws. FOSTA already passed, and whoreaphobic Kamala Harris is running for president in 2020. She worked with Gavin Newsom when they were both in San Francisco City Hall to do really racist “anti Asian sex trafficking” campaigns to boost their career paths up. It’s really easy to do blanket legislation on sex trafficking because all you have to do is arrest a bunch of consensual adult sex workers and voila! You have met the requirements for being tough on trafficking and you win the race for mayor/president. Here is a petition that sex workers are running to create awareness for the SESTA bill March 12th. The lawmakers voting on this bill do not know how it would actually work. We are sex worker rights advocates and we know that this piece of legislation will harm more people than it will help.
<a href="https://www.thepetitionsite.com/350/130/885/this-anti-sex-trafficking-bill-will-actually-promote-sex-trafficking/">Sign the petition</a> to tell the U.S. Senate and Trump not to pass FOSTA/SESTA. They must find a better way to shut down trafficking that doesn't make people less safe.” My best friend and life long sex worker rights advocate Scarlot Harlot has been talking about this stuff since before the internet. White Slavery was the first “anti-trafficking” act of the 1800s, so it seems like internet or not, this savior campaign is just NOT EVER GOING TO DIE. It’s like a fucking zombie in the Walking Dead and we have to figure out a way to get it right between the eyes for good, and if we have to slay some celebrity Hollywood martyrs and a Black feminist running for president in the process, oh well.
marginalutilityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12269408950348611307noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1891119840596206906.post-57680026398460497822018-03-03T00:22:00.000-08:002018-03-03T00:22:18.741-08:00Reality versus Red Tube: the unfortunate difference between porn and escortingI can always tell I’m getting my period by the amount of porn I’m masturbating too. It still actually makes me laugh every time this happens. The need to have 2 or 3 orgasms in a day only comes the day before the blood flow. And even during the first few days of pain and cramps I’m still on that red tube looking for ass to mouth threesomes and different scenarios that corrupt “teens” LOL. They have a series called Moms teach sex, ha ha. And always the stepmom fucking the stepson. Watching millenials have sex makes me realize how old I am. But, you do hit the MILF category in porn once you are in your 30s so it's not so hard to be old in porn. It’s funny because nowadays the idea of being attracted to people in the 20s doesn’t really seem practical to me. 1. They usually don’t look like porn stars in real life. And I”m always worried about the reality vs fantasy aspect of things. Nothing is usually as good as it is on porn, although sometimes it is. When I was an escort I got to have sex with clients who were 10-15 years younger than me occasionally. That was always fun. When you get paid to experiment, there is no risk because if it ends up being wonderful it is like getting paid DOUBLE! And, if it doesn’t go well, there is no real loss. I recently went to a sex club and decided I would try fucking 3 guys for the first time. I wasn’t getting paid. I just was feeling something experimental because 2 of the guys were Japanese and I was seeking to find out how i was going to work out. It ended up being the worse experiment of my life, even the 3rd guy wasn’t Japanese but ALL OF THEM made NOT ONE SOUND the whole time. It was like blowing 3 mannequins. Have you ever had the kind of sex where ten minutes into you just wanted to throw in the towel and forget that anything ever started? “Gee, you know what, letttttts just all put our clothes back on and get a beer. This, is uh, not going to work out.” I am really aurally stimulated, meaning I need to hear sounds. But, they need to be genuine which seems to be a big challenge to a lot of guys. Even if they aren’t talkers, they at least have to be BREATHERS meaning that if I put their cock in my mouth, I want to feel a RESPONSE. And needless to say, all three of these dicks were pretty soft and squishy in my presence. There was this nerdy geeky dude that I did NOT want to have sex with at all, but he tagged alongside a cute guy that I liked and I let him participate in the end because I was mostly just into the experiment of it all. I’d been with 2 guys before, even tried to do a porn style DP TWICE in my life and both times one of the guys just couldn’t hang and tapped out, fell out and game over. This is what I mean about porn not being reality and how I know by life experience. Sex Work has given me access to these experiences for money and like I said, even if it doesn’t work out for anyone, I end up getting paid. Also from experience, I know that not all sex work is equal and that porn and escorting is usually worlds apart that sometimes, especially when I’m masturbating I wish and wonder what it would be like to have real professional fuckers in me instead of the regular johns that escorts get most of the time. The ugly nerdy guy was sucking on my pussy like someone trying to eat an orange off a rind. I HATE BEING SUCKED. Anywhere. Do NOT suck my clit or my nipples, i might even get so annoyed I can punch you. I know, some women like that shit. I just watched a Japanese porn and the girl was sucking on some other girls pussy with loud slurping noises that American porn actors never make. I see, this is where this man learned his “technique” from. And I guess when I say I need sounds, I guess I mean, I need the sounds that I LIKE. Not just any old sounds. When I told them I needed to hear them make some noise, the German guy of the group decided to try to make some moaning sounds when he was on top of me, but it was just a bad acting job because his dick wasn’t even inside me! The thing that I am really glad that sex work has allowed me is the ability to RELEASE JUDGMENT about what substandard sexual things are occurring without grossing out or losing my shit. Having a nerdy guy suck me like an orange is an experiment, I’m sure I’ve experienced in sex work before, so I just reverted to escort head space mode. There are possibly hundreds of unattractive dicks I’ve fucked for money and this is how I dealt with it. Total detachment in the moment. The shower in the end erases everything that happened if it wasn’t pleasant. Cleansing whore bath. I loved it every time. But this last 3 man experiment was just FREE SEX WORK. A donation for the losing team. The sinking ship going nowhere for the 45 minutes total that it took from start to finish. I have no idea how long it was, the 2 Japanese guys left as soon as they came and it seemed like they were on me for 15 minutes each. I was their masturbation tissue in human form and I didn’t get paid. All I got was a record of the worst most pathetic sex I’ve EVER HAD IN MY ENTIRE LIFE, and that’s pretty bad considering i’ve clocked 7 years of escorting in my life. Sad, sad, sad, sad. Lucky, I can blog and release the terribleness of it all through my words.
marginalutilityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12269408950348611307noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1891119840596206906.post-58590208006329240912018-02-13T07:02:00.001-08:002018-02-13T07:02:24.275-08:00The LOVE DrugLOVE is a drug. We’ve heard that before. But you know its a card carrying addiction when there’s a 12 step group that starts to support it. LSAA stands for Love and Sex Addicts Anonymous. I remember in the darkest week fresh from my break up of 3 years ago...it was hard to be awake. I would wake up in the middle of the night and reach for my bong. I couldn’t even exist without copious amounts of marijuana. I was really close to going to an LSAA meeting, but instead I decided to go to another kind of bio-energetic jedi meeting to help get my spirits up. This ended up being a great decision as I met a really good friend there who is actually still my comrade to this day. I just wanted to be held by something and weed was always that something when there was nothing. I made the decision to end my relationship, and I had done so many times before. “You need to be less co-dependent.” he would tell me, urging each break up to happen. I broke up with him three times and 3 times he pulled me back. I was just looking at the Love Addicts website which has a list including:
Choosing partners who are emotionally unavailable and/or verbally or physically abusive
Choosing partners who demand a great deal of attention and caretaking but who do not meet, or even try to meet, your emotional or physical needs
Participating in activities that don’t interest you or go against your personal values in order to keep or please a partner
The ex and I struggled with polyamory. Before him, I always thought that because I was a sex worker, poly would be the natural way to go for me. Boy was I ever wrong. It was like being skinned alive and pushed down a lemonjuice waterslide on a weekly basis for me! The thing with point #3 is that I knew it wasn’t for me after long. I’m not a good drug addict because I don’t like pain. I like short stints of pain perhaps but as soon as something is too uncomfortable I try my damn hardest to exorcise that demon out of me. Sometimes this is premature and so the cycle must run its course, which is what it did three times. He knew what he was doing and loving it. Perhaps he wasn’t conscious so much of his abuse, most abusers aren’t. The last time we got back together he even brought cocaine for me so that he would be sure that I wouldn’t say no to him that night. The thing about the break up and make up cycle is that it does follow the love addiction cycle because getting back together has that bliss that follows the darkness as if it is a drug, as if you are going to last this time. But, in the end, it’s just like a rail of coke. Short lived. One of my mentors calls herself a Love and Sex addict. She was a card carrying group member. Seems like sex work can attract LSAAs too. There is a spike and a high for some who can mistake high dollar clients giving them money as a symbol of the approval that they need in life. And then when the phone doesn’t ring, or the stripclub is empty, no one is making it rain so it pours inside their hearts. I think it is way way worse as a stripper because you actually have to walk around and ask for approval and men are actually rejecting you which can be really draining on yourself esteem if you aren’t even making enough money to pay your stage fee.
marginalutilityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12269408950348611307noreply@blogger.com0