Karpmans Drama Triangle: Who are the Pimps and Victims?

My deconstruction of this drama does not mean that I am on the

side of R. Kelly but rather, I’m looking at reframing the drama in

a way that helps people see the roles that are so neatly being

played out in this and many of the recent #metoo situations.

 I can absolutely believe that he has taken on stereotypical

abusive Black pimp behaviors which are described in detail in the

documentary “Surviving R Kelly” which resemble documentaries

that have been done on Black pimps who also keep stables of

women using methods of financial, psychological, physical and

sexual abuse to maintain Their dominance.  These stereotypical

behaviors have been documented in pimp documentaries and

may be hard to hear without feeling like I am being racist, but I

believe that these Black men prey on the vulnerabilities of women

in their own communities specifically because they know how to

attract and attach their victims. While I worked as an escort,
I would get baiting calls from Black pimps often enough to know
that the stereotypes were based on truth, not just movies and that
many of the Black escorts I knew also did not see Black clients
and they were not being racist, they were protecting themselves
from pimps.
R Kelly uses the bait and hook of fame and a music industry
career and subsequently grooms these women with several tried
and tested tactics that he has managed to perfect over the years
of being the perpetrator of hard to detect (no obvious bruises and
none of his victims have called the police on him) violence which
are not criminal according to the

courts.  It is difficult to watch Joycelyn’s parents go on a rescuer

crusade to save their 22 year old daughter “on behalf of all the girls

that are trapped in his house” because she is an adult harming

herself even though she is in an abusive relationship. It seems to

be beyond intervention at this point and moved literally into made

for TV drama based on this Karpman's triangle. Joycelyn could be

using drugs or doing sex work with a real pimp the same, individuals

will not change unless they feel ready, willing and able to. I think

about how the word pimp is used as one of the most negative names

that you can call a person if you aren’t using it in a “good slang” way.

It seems to be much like the n word then, I suppose. I recall that

anti-sex work crusaders who are stuck in the rescuer role also become

perpetrators to consensual sex workers that they call “pimps” if they

are working collectively in activism.  Sex workers are the perpetual

victims to the anti-sex work movement as well as the oppressive laws

whose change seems nowhere in sight. They move into survivor and

teacher roles seeking to be proactive about their victimization but the

satisfaction seems to be temporary because new big bad laws are

passed constantly, more sex workers are killed without notice and/or

a major advertising outlet is shut down. It did not take very long for me

to get out of this cycle of activist violence by bowing out of discussions

or “debates” against any anti-prostitution feminists. I was trying to limit

my victimization to the laws, police and potential violent perpetrators, I

certainly didn’t need to be yelled at by traumatized activists taking out

their issues on me. This also happens a lot in the sex worker rights

movement.  There is usually a big or more sublime daily or weekly

occuring incident/s of horizontal violence, sex workers creating some

drama which perpetuates others in their community. The drama triangle

never stops until you decide “Enough is enough.” and want to shift your

lifestyle, perspective and shift your results as a result. It takes work and

sometimes takes a major nervous breakdown. There is withdrawal,

backlash and collateral damage. This is the reason why I left the sex

worker rights movement and haven’t really stepped back into the arena

of activism since then. I had even taken a long break after many years,

went back to a very small gathering in Los Angeles to commemorate

December 17th “A Day to End Violence Against Sex Workers” and I

was heckled off the stage during my performance at that event. I was

now guaranteed to never lift a red umbrella in the same way

ever again after that.  But the way I moved on was to move on and let go.

 I still keep in touch and believe in causes, but I am careful to recognize

the potential of any communities who are caught up in the Drama triangle.

 Once you recognize it, you can see it everywhere. You can never be

immune to any drama, but you can deflect it by not retaliating, not doing

the knee jerk reaction, not Tweeting your first response.  I can’t even get

too involved on Twitter because it has too much Karpmann Drama on it.

Sex, Drugs and STDs

3 weeks ago “Surviving R Kelly” came out revealing

what many people have known for years: R Kelly

is a serial abuser and child molestor.  I could put

“alleged” but if we put that in front of his allegations,

it means that we have to go with the criminal prosecution

route of guilty until charged.  I think with social media

movements and women being fearless enough to go on

mic and camera to make their experiences real, we are

going to see more of #muteRKelly having an effect that the

criminal justice system seems to not have.  R Kelly’s lawyer

is doing interviews telling the media “there is no crime” and

that it’s just “she said versus he said” stories.  His lawyer is

a slimebag.  Not anymore than the slimebag that he is the

mouthpiece for by no obvious means. I don’t agree that we

should take a victim or survivor’s story at face value either

because PTSD can make you do crazy things.  It can feel

like a temporary insanity if you aren’t able to manage it well

and many people can’t .   I don’t know if “These women are

just looking for 15 minutes of fame” he says, as if speaking

your survivor story, despite the fact that it might get you on

a grammy award stage with Lady Gaga playing a white piano,

i don’t think any survivor actually thinks of themselves as famous

for speaking out.  Lady Gaga herself is an interesting example

of how survivors can flip flop their perspectives from the

seemingly willing to the seemingly against.  People change in

the public eye, especially performers and entertainers.  First

Gaga is dancing with R.Kelly singing “do what you want with

my body” and then she realizes that she has to speak out

against his violence and mute him with the rest of the

movement.  How could this be? As a survivor, I can totally

understand the flip flop.  But that’s what being famous looks like,

not telling your sexual or physical abuse story on TV.  I’ve told

my story many times on documentaries and news and people

actually just see you as a random face, not a

celebrity.  Sometimes they even see as a tramp, a liar, a gold

digger or whatever worse name they can muster.  I doubt they

even recognize you unless the person who calls you out the

street is some kind of stalker anyway.  “Hey, hey, I saw you on

the stage in the background for 3 seconds in that song with

Lady Gaga.”  I think the most courageous survivor story, that

most people will remember however, a real celebrity in my

opinion far more memorable than Gaga is Christine Blasey

Ford. It’s funny how the R Kelly scandal has so much of the

same language that is used against sex workers. “Sex, girls

and STDs” one of these videos says purporting that giving the

women he’s had relationships with herpes is part of the crime

that makes his physical abuse even more egregious.  It’s not

helpful that this preposterous propaganda about herpes is

being spread at the sake of “saving victims”  

“R Kelly is a pimp, but his only client is himself.”  says the

father of Joycelyn Savage, who left her college dorm room

clean and moved into the harem of R.Kelly.  She was 19 when

she left and she is 22 now appearing on TMZ as “fine and not

abused.”  It’s a lot like an episode of Atlanta housewives, the

mother is throwing up in the toilet and hysterical in the BBC

interviews, and the parents are on countless talk shows

chronicling their search for their daughter who is being locked

up R.Kelly’s house.  Everyone seems to be stuck in Karpmans

victim triangle.  R.Kelly is the persecutor, the former

girlfriends/wives and the parents of the ones currently in

relationship with Kelly are the rescuers for the victims who

are in the house of abuse of R.Kelly and its indeed made a

made for TV screen drama.